WHO NEEDS NMES...
I got fed up with the old title for the NME review here on Fall and Rise..., so I'm gonna try and think of new ones.
The Strokes are on the cover of this week's NME! Which is a lovely surprise. That makes it about 7 NME covers by my reckoning, 8 if you count the Christmas cover from last year. All are clutching the obligatory fag or drink that are needed for every Strokes photoshoot. The top 100 singles ever chart is in this week too.
News...Eminem's film is a big hit in America. Umm, not much of a story here. Everyone knew it would be. The NME tells you what the story's all about. Apparently "in one scene Jimmy (Eminem) defends a gay co-worker from a tirade of verbal abuse", which will no doubt be used for the rest of his career to justify his homophobia now that the "it's not me, it's a character" argument has worn off. The fact is, he's homophobic. Now I'm sure he wouldn't go out and beat up anyone because they were gay, but if he was sat at home with his mates I've no doubt he'd say some homophobic things, which sadly (from my personal experience) most people do. He's not evil, he's just the kind of bloke who'd call me a "puff".
Oh. Here's The Strokes. So the front cover doesn't have an interview or anything to accompany it, NME just went backstage at an LA gig. Still, any excuse for new pictures of the boys is fine with me. Julian's still on crutches. I mean really, you can't have hurt your leg that much. Fab's wearing that denim top again, and I'm sure Nikolai hasn't changed his clothes for more than a year. Nick isn't scruffy enough anymore, and he's still with Amanda The Cabinet which is a shame. Still, if it makes him happy. In other Strokes relationship news, apparently Kelly Osbourne snogged our Fab once. Good work Fabrizio! See, he's miles better than that ugly guy she's going out with now. Anyway, good reporting and good pictures and lotsa Stroke-y goodness!
"Hip-hop unites in memory of Jam Master Jay". Lots of rappers have given money to Jay's family, and there's a $50,000 reward for information which leads to an arrest. The funeral sounds like it was done quite well, and just staying on the right side of being over-sentimental and cringeworthy. Another rapper, 50 Cent, is said to be in danger. Somewhat spookily, he was in The Face this month, where the short article spoke of how much danger he was in. All this talk of "mentors" sending their "proteges" to attack others always kinda reminds me of Star Wars too. But maybe I'm just mad.
Robbie Williams is gonna play Knebworth; erm, you're a bit behind there mate. Lithium was voted the best Nirvana song on nme.com, it's isn't by the way. Ryan Adams has had a go at Jack White, but what would The Strokes make of this?? It's like a big alternative love triangle of friendship and fights! Or something. Fran Healy wants to help an NME photographer 'cos he's bored of being in a band, poor lamb. Pink's used the oh so original idea of putting pictures of dead rock stars in her backstage show. Sharon Osboune wants to host a chat show. Picture of The Libertines with Morrissey; too much greatness in that picture. HAHA!! Someone actually entered the Cooper Temple Clause haircut competition! Actually, I think he used to look like one of the Datsuns, and now he just looks a bit boring and not that Cooper Temple-ish, he's just got a bit of blond in his hair; Mark Beaumont, who always had a really really awful haircut, had his done too, but it still looks shit. Jackass film is dead big in America. Hmmm, slow news week. Moby doesn't want people to eat turkeys at Thanksgiving. Missy Elliot's giving away a million dollars on a lottery on her website. A nothing story about The White Stripes' new album, telling us what we already knew, presumably so they can put another one of those new pictures in. Craig Nicholls met Matt Bellamy from Muse; I saw him really close up next to the signing tent at Leeds a couple of years ago, right little weedy shit.
They've got rid of the "On" section at NME towers, and replaced it with a little "New band news" bit. I suppose that makes it better, but now only one band gets featured. Still, I didn't really read "On" that much. They have little write ups about the bands in the "What's on the NME stereo?" thing now, which is quite nice. Am I the only person who misses "Banging On..."??
Pete Libertine does the Burn It! CD, and it's one of the best selections I've seen. Billie Holiday, The Smiths, Sex Pistols, Small Faces and The Stooges. What a star.
More Libertines on the gossip page, with pictures from the album launch. Photos from Kelly Osbourne's new video too, but she seems to be losing weight, which is a shame. Someone saw The Libertines crowdsurfing at The Vines' gig in Nottingham. Bloody hell, have they been mentioned on every page now?
Why has the NME turned on our Jarvis?? He's as lovely and funny as ever, of course. His mum comes in and calls him "duck" too. Bless.
Burning Brides are another new band who look pretty good. No idea what they sound like. Still, they've got a girl in, and girls in bands make them a million times better.
Tenacious D. Jack Black's mostly ace in films, but this can only end in embarassment. Their song's been number one on the Kerrang! channel for seemingly the last year, and it's not even that funny the first time you see it.
100 greatest singles. Here's the top 10:
1. Joy Division - 'Love Will Tear Us Apart'
2. Nirvana - 'Smells Like Teen Spirit'
3. The Sex Pistols - 'Anarchy In The UK'
4. The Rolling Stones - 'Paint It, Black'
5. David Bowie - ''Heroes''
6. The Stone Roses - 'Fools Gold'
7. The Smiths - 'This Charming Man'
8. Oasis - 'Live Forever'
9. The Clash - 'London Calling'
10. Massive Attack - 'Unfinished Sympathy'
Can't really argue with the number one, but "Paint It, Black" at 4? "Unfinished Sympathy" top 10, one place above "Going Underground"? "Born Slippy" is 16, two places above "Superstition" and 4 above "Blue Monday". No way should "Yellow" and "Stan" be higher than "Last Nite", "There She Goes" or "My Generation". And "Get Free" five places higher than "Son Of A Preacher Man"? Another list that's a bit silly, but still makes you think, and is well set out and reported.
Reviews...and they've got rid of the pictures of the NME writers. Missy Elliot is still NME approved - 8. Robbie Williams is still shit - 3. The soundtrack to the new Eminem film is apparently quite good, it's a 7. The other releases aren't that interesting. The band of the guy going out with Kelly Osbourne is as shit as he looks.
Single of the Week is "United States Of Whatever" by Liam Lynch. The novelty does wear off after a while. It should be "Dance To The Underground" by Radio 4, because that's an ace song. I wish people would stop going on about The Music; they make records for Stereophonics fans to dance to. A are rubbish too.
Live reviews...and that nice Conor Oberst boy is certainly getting quite a bit of press recently. His Bright Eyes and Desaparecidos acts get the main review, and it's very favourable. The Datsuns/Dirtbombs/Von Bondies/The Kills/Electric 6/Rock And Roll Machine played a New Garage Rock fantasy gig in New York. This gets promoted on the front cover, yet the review only takes up about 9 lines, with the rest of the space being given over to pictures. Another fantasy line up, The Flaming Lips and Beck, sadly appears to have been ruined by Beck doing a Nick Drake instead of a Prince. He's still fantastic though. Where were these two in the top 100 singles?? Electric Soft Parade are, ya know, alright.
Thrills has gone again. It's beyond a joke now, it really is.
People who say stuff like "it's just about the music" and "look aren't important" really annoy me. They're talking bollocks. It's all about image. If The Strokes were five fat, ugly blokes from Norwich, they'd be nowhere near as fantastic. Stephen Dalton's answer to some snobbish guy's letter is great, especially the bit about "alternative hardcore" bands from the '80s. Still, as somebody's text points out, "does it really cost £100 to look like Dave Hill out of Slade?". And with that thought, NME fans, I will bid you farewell.
I got fed up with the old title for the NME review here on Fall and Rise..., so I'm gonna try and think of new ones.
The Strokes are on the cover of this week's NME! Which is a lovely surprise. That makes it about 7 NME covers by my reckoning, 8 if you count the Christmas cover from last year. All are clutching the obligatory fag or drink that are needed for every Strokes photoshoot. The top 100 singles ever chart is in this week too.
News...Eminem's film is a big hit in America. Umm, not much of a story here. Everyone knew it would be. The NME tells you what the story's all about. Apparently "in one scene Jimmy (Eminem) defends a gay co-worker from a tirade of verbal abuse", which will no doubt be used for the rest of his career to justify his homophobia now that the "it's not me, it's a character" argument has worn off. The fact is, he's homophobic. Now I'm sure he wouldn't go out and beat up anyone because they were gay, but if he was sat at home with his mates I've no doubt he'd say some homophobic things, which sadly (from my personal experience) most people do. He's not evil, he's just the kind of bloke who'd call me a "puff".
Oh. Here's The Strokes. So the front cover doesn't have an interview or anything to accompany it, NME just went backstage at an LA gig. Still, any excuse for new pictures of the boys is fine with me. Julian's still on crutches. I mean really, you can't have hurt your leg that much. Fab's wearing that denim top again, and I'm sure Nikolai hasn't changed his clothes for more than a year. Nick isn't scruffy enough anymore, and he's still with Amanda The Cabinet which is a shame. Still, if it makes him happy. In other Strokes relationship news, apparently Kelly Osbourne snogged our Fab once. Good work Fabrizio! See, he's miles better than that ugly guy she's going out with now. Anyway, good reporting and good pictures and lotsa Stroke-y goodness!
"Hip-hop unites in memory of Jam Master Jay". Lots of rappers have given money to Jay's family, and there's a $50,000 reward for information which leads to an arrest. The funeral sounds like it was done quite well, and just staying on the right side of being over-sentimental and cringeworthy. Another rapper, 50 Cent, is said to be in danger. Somewhat spookily, he was in The Face this month, where the short article spoke of how much danger he was in. All this talk of "mentors" sending their "proteges" to attack others always kinda reminds me of Star Wars too. But maybe I'm just mad.
Robbie Williams is gonna play Knebworth; erm, you're a bit behind there mate. Lithium was voted the best Nirvana song on nme.com, it's isn't by the way. Ryan Adams has had a go at Jack White, but what would The Strokes make of this?? It's like a big alternative love triangle of friendship and fights! Or something. Fran Healy wants to help an NME photographer 'cos he's bored of being in a band, poor lamb. Pink's used the oh so original idea of putting pictures of dead rock stars in her backstage show. Sharon Osboune wants to host a chat show. Picture of The Libertines with Morrissey; too much greatness in that picture. HAHA!! Someone actually entered the Cooper Temple Clause haircut competition! Actually, I think he used to look like one of the Datsuns, and now he just looks a bit boring and not that Cooper Temple-ish, he's just got a bit of blond in his hair; Mark Beaumont, who always had a really really awful haircut, had his done too, but it still looks shit. Jackass film is dead big in America. Hmmm, slow news week. Moby doesn't want people to eat turkeys at Thanksgiving. Missy Elliot's giving away a million dollars on a lottery on her website. A nothing story about The White Stripes' new album, telling us what we already knew, presumably so they can put another one of those new pictures in. Craig Nicholls met Matt Bellamy from Muse; I saw him really close up next to the signing tent at Leeds a couple of years ago, right little weedy shit.
They've got rid of the "On" section at NME towers, and replaced it with a little "New band news" bit. I suppose that makes it better, but now only one band gets featured. Still, I didn't really read "On" that much. They have little write ups about the bands in the "What's on the NME stereo?" thing now, which is quite nice. Am I the only person who misses "Banging On..."??
Pete Libertine does the Burn It! CD, and it's one of the best selections I've seen. Billie Holiday, The Smiths, Sex Pistols, Small Faces and The Stooges. What a star.
More Libertines on the gossip page, with pictures from the album launch. Photos from Kelly Osbourne's new video too, but she seems to be losing weight, which is a shame. Someone saw The Libertines crowdsurfing at The Vines' gig in Nottingham. Bloody hell, have they been mentioned on every page now?
Why has the NME turned on our Jarvis?? He's as lovely and funny as ever, of course. His mum comes in and calls him "duck" too. Bless.
Burning Brides are another new band who look pretty good. No idea what they sound like. Still, they've got a girl in, and girls in bands make them a million times better.
Tenacious D. Jack Black's mostly ace in films, but this can only end in embarassment. Their song's been number one on the Kerrang! channel for seemingly the last year, and it's not even that funny the first time you see it.
100 greatest singles. Here's the top 10:
1. Joy Division - 'Love Will Tear Us Apart'
2. Nirvana - 'Smells Like Teen Spirit'
3. The Sex Pistols - 'Anarchy In The UK'
4. The Rolling Stones - 'Paint It, Black'
5. David Bowie - ''Heroes''
6. The Stone Roses - 'Fools Gold'
7. The Smiths - 'This Charming Man'
8. Oasis - 'Live Forever'
9. The Clash - 'London Calling'
10. Massive Attack - 'Unfinished Sympathy'
Can't really argue with the number one, but "Paint It, Black" at 4? "Unfinished Sympathy" top 10, one place above "Going Underground"? "Born Slippy" is 16, two places above "Superstition" and 4 above "Blue Monday". No way should "Yellow" and "Stan" be higher than "Last Nite", "There She Goes" or "My Generation". And "Get Free" five places higher than "Son Of A Preacher Man"? Another list that's a bit silly, but still makes you think, and is well set out and reported.
Reviews...and they've got rid of the pictures of the NME writers. Missy Elliot is still NME approved - 8. Robbie Williams is still shit - 3. The soundtrack to the new Eminem film is apparently quite good, it's a 7. The other releases aren't that interesting. The band of the guy going out with Kelly Osbourne is as shit as he looks.
Single of the Week is "United States Of Whatever" by Liam Lynch. The novelty does wear off after a while. It should be "Dance To The Underground" by Radio 4, because that's an ace song. I wish people would stop going on about The Music; they make records for Stereophonics fans to dance to. A are rubbish too.
Live reviews...and that nice Conor Oberst boy is certainly getting quite a bit of press recently. His Bright Eyes and Desaparecidos acts get the main review, and it's very favourable. The Datsuns/Dirtbombs/Von Bondies/The Kills/Electric 6/Rock And Roll Machine played a New Garage Rock fantasy gig in New York. This gets promoted on the front cover, yet the review only takes up about 9 lines, with the rest of the space being given over to pictures. Another fantasy line up, The Flaming Lips and Beck, sadly appears to have been ruined by Beck doing a Nick Drake instead of a Prince. He's still fantastic though. Where were these two in the top 100 singles?? Electric Soft Parade are, ya know, alright.
Thrills has gone again. It's beyond a joke now, it really is.
People who say stuff like "it's just about the music" and "look aren't important" really annoy me. They're talking bollocks. It's all about image. If The Strokes were five fat, ugly blokes from Norwich, they'd be nowhere near as fantastic. Stephen Dalton's answer to some snobbish guy's letter is great, especially the bit about "alternative hardcore" bands from the '80s. Still, as somebody's text points out, "does it really cost £100 to look like Dave Hill out of Slade?". And with that thought, NME fans, I will bid you farewell.
posted by Matt at
3:21 PM
