The Fall and Rise of a Liberteen

2003-06-08T21:40:00.000Z

REVOLUTION REVOLUTION REVOLUTION REVOLUTION
Here I am. Blogger's been arsing about, and I was too busy to update this load of rubbish regularly, so here's a quick entry for no reason at all.
On Friday, whilst I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour, a load of poorly stapled sheets of paper were thrust into my hand. Being as I was too drunk to read, I stuffed it in my pocket and gave no further thought to the matter. The following morning, as I rolled over to the sound of a million tiny pixes dancing on my head, I picked up said poorly stapled sheets of paper.
This fanzine has become somewhat of an inspiration, and the realisation has hit me that they are my NME, and I am the pre-Smiths Morrissey figure. If you don't know who I am, no doubt you believe I have nowhere near as classy a writing style as SPM, but that's cos this computer hurts my brain. Mr Fanzine Man, expect a written manifesto/letter/whatever to arrive on your doorstep sometime soon. I always believed this dirty old town was too small and backwards looking to do anything original, but you have given me some hope. Our musical tastes are irrelevant. The point is something is coming, and I refuse to wallow in apathy any longer. People are sick of bland pop. We may not be a London, NYC or Manchester, but if Seattle, Detroit, Omaha, New Fucking Zealand (I know it's a country, but you get what I mean) can put together movements that are relevant and exciting, I don't see why we can't.
Everyone has their 15 minutes, I think it's time for ours.

2003-05-22T23:20:00.000Z

I'M SO LONESOME I COULD CRY
God bless June Carter Cash.
Johnny Cash has quickly become one of my favourite singers ever, and without June, Johnny just wouldn't have been Johnny. I know I'm a bit late with the condolences, but this has really made me sad. Thoughts are with Johnny, and the rest of the Carter/Cash family. A beautiful woman will be missed. Leave messages at johnnycash.com to show how much you care.

To cheer myself up, I found Toothpaste For Dinner. A wonderful site, it's as inspiriational as any art I have recently beholdeded. So this applies to me. So what? At least I can laugh at myself and my trucker hat.

(Disclaimer: I do not own a trucker hat.)

2003-05-15T18:10:00.000Z

DRESS UP
So then. For some unknown reason, I still get hits, and recently I've had a few referrels for "How to dress like The Strokes/Libertines/Whoevers". Since my vacous mind is completely lacking an original thought (I have a theory that college has destroyed all my imagination and ability to create, but that's another matter), I think I'll have a go at helping people like you (yes YOU!) dress up all nice and indie likes.
I have a feeling, like most other plans I make, that there's no way I'll ever do this. So you have to keep nagging me to do it until I do and then you can all either disagree with me or go down to Oxfam and buy everything I tell you and then you'll be happy and this sentence is far too long but I can't stop writing it now because I'm afraid that if i stop typing then I'll never be able to start again except for writing in another stupid exam but they aren't for a month or so so that's ok and I'd really better stop now because The Simpsons has started and I have to go put it on I hope it's that episode where Lisa's sad cos I think that one's dead cute and stuff and I could go off on a rant about how The Simpsons has changed over the years and whether that's good or not but you probably stopped reading as soon as I went off on one didn't you and you're not even reading this now so I can say stuff like ha you smell of cheese and I've always thought so and you wouldn't even know cos you aren't reading anymore so there who's laughing now I'll tell you who...
Me! Look! Ha!

I'm so very, very lonely...

2003-05-08T22:37:00.000Z

MAN IN BLACK
Hey. Woah. What happened? Where am I? Where have I been? Memories. Flooding back...
Birthday. Alcohol. Boys. Girls. Drugs. Lights. Music. Darkness. Minicabs. Black Hair. Doorstep. Bedroom. Morning After. Repeat. Friday. Daytime. Kings Of Leon. Hazy. Leather. Brothel. More Girls. More Substances. Beware Of Sharp Edges. Spring. Flowers. Police Cell. Johnny Cash. Guitar. Candles. Hangover. Last Nite. She Said.

Ok, so I made all that up. I just couldn't be arsed blogging for a few weeks, but you could always pretend I spent a few weeks celebrating the memories or William Burroughs and Hunter S. Thompson. Wait, Thompson isn't dead, is he? Oh well.
However, Kings Of Leon were round my way, but I didn't see them cos they were on with A Shit Band. However, from what I've heard, ver Kings were super smashing great.
And NME people; Blackpool is shit. It isn't some Northern indie mecca, it's a dive.
And The Charlatans are rubbish.

2003-04-16T21:30:00.000Z

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Yep. Sing the start to that 50 Cent record, cos 18 years ago today, I graced this earth with my presence.
You may be interested to know that I share my birthday with such greats as Charlie Chaplin, Spike Milligan, Peter Ustinov and, ummm, Nick Berry.
Also, my birthday is exactly a week after Albert Hammond Jr.
Wow.
Touched by greatness.

2003-04-09T20:56:00.000Z

WHITE STRIPES/WHITE HEAT
So then, last night, The White Stripes at the Manchester Apollo (or the fancy Carling Apollo that it's been changed to since I was last there). Wow. Jack White is surely the most talented person I've ever seen. Except maybe that circus guy I saw once. But it's a different kind of talent, so I'll let it go.
Support came from Jack's old band The Go and "hotly tipped newcomers" (how I love saying that, makes me feel all journalistic) Whirlwind Heat. I arrived too late and missed The Go, but I did buy a big pink Whirlwind Heat pin badge of the girl on the record cover. So that's ok. However, they did seem to go on a bit. Maybe it was just me.
Apparently, The Stripes like to forego all that weird music-you've-never-heard that bands normally play before they come onstage, instead prefering to show Felix The Cat cartoons. Unfortunately, the sound was a bit rubbish and we couldn't hear what was going on. But still, Felix. Good.
Then the lights go down, and the audience (who I have to admit was one of the coolest I've been in attendance with) start a-hootin and a-hollerin. Meg walks out in a white top and red pants (or maybe it was a red top and white pants. I forget, but she looked pretty damn beautiful) and sits at her drumstool.
But where's Jack? You can hear people's thoughts. "Meg's all well and good, but where's the wonderkid?" Then... a flash of pale skin from the darkness of the back stage. A cigarette lights up underneath a dark floppy fringe. And he emerges.
Both sit back to back on Meg's stool, and everything is right in the world. There's only one word to describe the two of them, sat there exchanging sly glances:
SEX.
Jack saddles up his guitar and they launch into "Black Math". It's great. People jump up and down, people dance, people stand still and try to look cool. But nothing matters except Jack 'n' Meg.
The Stripes play a good balance of stuff from all four albums, highlights being the "Jolene" cover, a sweet "In The Cold, Cold Night", singalong style "You're Pretty Good Looking (For A Girl)", and a lovely lovely a cappella "Hotel Yorba", where Jack stops half way through and gets Meg to go sit at the front of the stage with him.
The tightness is amazing, so much so that you kinda forget there's only two of them. It's like Jack is always trying to fuck around and catch Meg out, but she's one step ahead, looking into his eyes as though she's telling him off but she can't help loving him all the same.
Like most good things, it's over all too soon. Sweetly, Jack 'n' Meg come back out after they've finished to apologise. Jack got carried away and it's way past 11, so they gotta go. Damn stupid licensing laws. Still, it was an amazing night.
Some minor grievances; the guitar Jack uses to play the bass bits on "Seven Nation Army" and such like is brown, and kinda clashes with the whole red, white, black thing. Also, those pants were just wrong. Red on one leg. Black on the other. And so tight around the crotch, my eyes just kept getting drawn to that bulge. Jack, put it away.
However, it was definitely one of the best gigs I've ever been to. Good times indeed.

2003-03-31T18:18:00.000Z

ELEPHANT
Listening to it right now. Fucking hell. I'm scared and excited in equal measures.

Oh yeah, due to artistic differences, "we" have split up, so it's just me now.

Dear Nick is a bit of a slut, but you've got him for now -- are you, by any chance, blonde? Chances are you met at a party, and spend all of your time continuing to party. Nothing saying love like sharing a line. Not a bad existence, if you ask me. This should definitely be fun while it lasts.
Surprise surprise. Which Stroke is Your Secret Lover? Link from The Modern Age.
I'm straight by the way.

Straight.

Totally.

2003-03-26T17:09:00.000Z

DIRTY POP
The Strokes are officially in the studio with Nigel Godrich, and might play some gigs by the end of the year. Is anybody else REALLY FUCKING EXCITED?!?

Strokes.com has had a bit of an update. Lotsa new photos. Look. It was like this when we were there. Somebody take us back.
Nick.
Nick eats.
Nick does hip hop.
Nick n Fab hold hands.

In these sad, mad, scary days, there is only one man we can all depend on. Cusack For President.

"Hey - do the Iraqis own their own oil fields yet? They're all gonna be rich over there now, right?". New(ish) Get Your War On.

Kelly O hates Christina some more.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Harry, and Johnny Cash videos.

It's NME day. Interpol on the cover. How scary is Carlos?
The NME's finally caught up with Operation Iraq Freedom (sorry, we just love saying that). They're far more concerned with clothes this week though. Is it good or bad that we have worn like 7 of the items? And we've read the Nudie Suits bit like 5 times, and we still don't understand what they're on about.
We don't like "Bandages", but "Get In Or Get Out" is a great song. Hot Hot Heat get 9 (9!!!) for their album.
Will Avril Lavigne please fuck off out of the NME?
Next week, there'll be more posters for your humble abode.

Star Spangles UK tour.

Popjustice Messageboard Ahoy! We got the first post in. We're sad like that.

Ciao for now.

2003-03-25T21:58:00.000Z

IT'S OUR TIME SWEET BABY. TO BREAK ON THROUGH
So there's this girl in my politics class. Bear in mind she's sat near me for like 18 months. I've hardly ever spoken to her, and sometimes I wish I would.
But this isn't in some kinda "oh I'm too shy she never notices me" type way. I don't wanna talk to her. She seems kinda mysterious and thoughtful, and I'd rather keep her that way than discover that actually I may not be interested in her at all. I think sometimes we all need someone to admire from afar, without ever getting near. Having said that, I've seen her down ze disco a couple of times, so I'm not ruling out getting really drunk and embarassing myself in front of her.
Now girl seems kinda indie, which makes her cute and fanciable, but she also has long hair. And here lies my problem at the moment.
WHERE ARE THE SHORT HAIRED GIRLS?!?
I mean honestly, is it too much to ask? I have nothing against long hair, I've fancied some long hairs, and will no doubt continue to do so. I just want a bit of variety, that's all.

Where did all that come from?

2003-03-20T21:29:00.000Z

SEE THESE TWO COLD FINGERS. THESE CROOKED FINGERS
We ain't happy today. And are we the only ones who don't agree with all this "support our troops" bullshit? We don't want anyone in the army to die, but we don't want any Iraqis to get bombed either. "You can't protest anymore, it isn't worth it and it's sending a bad message to our boys". Fuck off. Well done to all the kids who walked out of school, and keep on keepin on everybody. We can get over all this mess, we're good people.

Let's move on to some music news.

Manics, Charlatans and REM headlining this year's Move festival. It's only down the road, but we won't be going.

From Popbitch:
Interpol have signed a deal with LA Style hair gel
for $10,000 and a free lifetime supply.
Bless.
In other Interpol news, singer Paul tells us something we really didn't know at all about them there White Stripes. Full interview here.

Tatu will win Eurovision.

Hot Hot Heat touring UK.

Now go switch the telly on and get angry about something important.

2003-03-19T19:55:00.000Z

OH SANTA CRUZ. YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT THAT FAR
So, it's on then. Oh dear. Did you hear that army guy on the news? "It's hammer time"?!? America, you're fucked. But don't worry, the revolution will come.

Also worthy of mucho worrying; this week's NME> Avril Lavigne on the cover? What's that aboot?
The NME went ahead with their silly "Women in Rock" thing, patronising us all beyond belief. In news, Fran Healy grows his hair and Uggo boy and McCulloch cover "Walk on the Wild Side". Eminem plays a tiny gig in Detroit. Damon's the only one left in blur (cos, ya know, Dave Rowntree doesn't really count). Beasties are back and anti war. Noel's a bit daft. Axis of justice thing says stuff. Iraqi westlife, or summat. Libertines drink lots. Mick Jones = scary but great, and Elton keeps up the effort to make Catholicism cool (see David Beckham). Hot Hot Heat choose some half half decent tunes. Carl Libertine used to be a nude art model.
The Rogers Sisters look cool. We were there in that picture a few weeks ago. *sigh*
So then, the 10 women who apparently rule rock. Of Karen O there is no doubt. Avril Lavigne is about as rock as my nan. Kelly O is great, and you can just shut up. You gotta love The Mighty TATU (tm Popjustice). Pink's allowed in, cos she's a bit lezzie. VV is coolness. Peaches is kinda, ya know, old. Missy rocks. Meg is a goddess. Ms Dynamite jumped the shark long ago. Which begs the question:
Why are there 11 women here? Karen+Avril+Kelly+TATU1+TATU2+Pink+VV+Peaches+Missy+Meg+Dynamite = 11 NME fools! Just cos you're all fancy writers doesn't mean you don't have to bother with maths. Dullards.
There's lumped together stuff about Madonna, Ladytron, Lisa Maffia, Avril Lasnoozefest, Charlotte Ash talking about rock girls, and other stuff. Actually, there seems to be quite a lot in this week. Weird. We are undecided this week.
Aphex Twin returns. Huzzah! So do The Cardigans and Linkin Krap. Not so good.
Hot Hot Heat are record of the week, which is fair enough.
Oh how we love The Thrills. And god bless the MC5.
Who'd wanna go to the V festival? Thrills (not The) returns. Letters fun. Mobile pictures of Wayne Coyne and Fab pre-hairsnip. And next week, the NME misses the boat by at least 18 months, giving us a guide on how to dress like The Strokes (see me two years ago). And that's yer lot.

So there ya go. I got nowt left to say really. Oh, buy Mojo this month, it's got a nice little book of 100 singles, with pretty pictures.

We love pretty pictures.

2003-03-12T13:27:00.000Z

TURN ON THE BRIGHT LIGHTS
Our MP yesterday suggested Mr Blair stands down. Go Hilton!

We like The Interpols. They remind us of us in our suit rockin' days. Good times. Maybe we'll make like an accountant in The Pinstripes next time we get out for drinks and fun. Interpol poster in this week's NME.

Elsewhere in the weekly record or all things indie...Oasis are rolled out for the front cover cos the NME has no good interviews or stories. Tenacious D are fat and horrible. Coldplay didn't dare do nuffink about The Grammy's anti war ban thing. Lots of people are still against any war. Girls wear ties and try to be Karen O. Johnny Cash is great. It's South By Southwest. Ryan Adams has a nice jumper, oh, and he likes The White Stripes again. Leeds Fest have applied for 2 licenses. Bert McTwat is a cunt. Harry chooses some quite good tunes. Hope Of The States don't sound like they deserve to wear jackets that cool. Oasis play another gig which is the same as any other, and suddenly, we feel sad that it's gone. Silly filler feature about mobiles. NERD and Pharrell make lotsa records. Tenacious D are dull and won't be mentioned again.
Now here's the dilemma. Forget Nelly and Kelly, this is for real.
Strokes.
Or.
Libertines?
Also, Liam, or Debbie and Stripes? Interpol or Kurt? Decisions decisions. At the moment, we're picking Strokes, Debbie, White Stripes and Interpol.
Man, Evan Dando looks ooooooold. There's some nice Clash postcards. Yeah Yeah Yeahs are still coolness. We're annoyed cos we hate The Music, but now Kings Of Leon are supporting, but it's sold out, so we can't go. Oh well. Next week the NME will patronise us with an all girlies issue, and offend us by putting Avril Laspavril on the cover.
Please Mr NME. Don't do it. Don't put her on the cover. We don't like her. The Management will not be happy.

Get well soon Megs. Especially before April 8th. Jack needs you. We need you.

The new Blah video is really really bad. Seriously, total garbage.

MC5 reforming.

Everything Keith Richards says is legendary.

Hey, we just realised, we resurrected The Fabled NME Review. Wow. Even though it was all compacted like, we kinda liked it.

When we grow up, we wanna be on Des 'n' Mel's celebrity board.

2003-03-10T15:28:00.000Z

YOU SEE, WAR IS NOT THE ANSWER
Marvin got it right. Dear old fat Fred nearly got it right, he just can't formaculate a sentinence.
So anyway, go here. E-mail your MP, and Number 10, and just do everything it says right there. Thanks to our MP for voting against the war too.

While looking for a Fred Durst "agreeance" news story, we came across this. And it really does make us smile. It says something when your website has a page to answer all the rumours. Our fave rumour has to be "Rick Aguilera".
"Hey X-tina, I love the way you don't wear any clothes!!! Are you related to Dave Aguilera from down my pub? It's just, ya know, you have the same name and stuff."

2003-03-10T00:12:00.000Z

OUR TIME
"I can't understand why everyone thinks we're lesbians.'' Us neither TATU girl, us neither.

Karen O, is that you? (That probably doesn't make any sense unless you've seen the pictures from The Face, but, oh well.)

We love Flip Flop Flyin's new Minipops! Our favourites (obviously) are The Strokes and The Libertines.

Yesterday, we passed our time by watching Masters Of The Universe. Yeah. Don't fuck with Skeletor.

Who the fuckin hell are you?

Why do we read this? Seriously, we have no idea. We dunno half the people they talk about, yet we read on anyway.

Sometimes we are strange.

Sometimes?

2003-03-08T16:39:00.000Z

WHITE LIGHT
Hi. Remember us? Well, we're back. Actually, we've been back more than a week, but things happen. If we even had any readers we didn't know about before, then they've obviously fucked off by now.

So yeah. What did we learn on our trips to London and New York?
1. Girls are pretty in London.
2. New York is like some weird part of Britain. Except full of Americans.
3. Snow is good. Jumping in snow at the Statue of Liberty is better.
4. Singing in Harrods is funny.
5. We *heart* New York.

Anything interesting happen to you while we were away? No? Ah well. Keep at it kiddo. Something'll come up.

Adam Faith's died. RIP.

The Star Spangles' new single is great. The cat looks like a wonky mouthed Nick Cave in the vid. Touring next month.

Are we the only ones saddened by The Stokes at the Grammy's? I mean, Valensi + white pants = wrong. Still, Strokes + Timberlake = right. Bless Julian for wearing pink, and bless Albert for still being Mr Thrift Store 2001. We miss these Strokes though. Having said that, on thestrokes.com, Nick looks kinda foxy.

Nick's dog with Kio.

Don't look at us like that. The Strokes are our band.

We just checked The Strokes' site actually, and found they've added a few more pics, including a couple of the Courtney/Ryan/Fab/Albert acefest.

So now we've come round to Ryan Adams, since we like "Nuclear" and his stripey top.

NME.com have some pics from the Award Shows and stuff.

We've no more to add really.

See yas.

2003-02-18T23:21:00.000Z

STUFF
The Vines are coming back. UK tour, end of April, and one fine day in May.

"Elephant" is a bad name for an album. Kinda reminds us of "Who do you want?" "Barabus!". Wow, two 24 Hour Party People references in two posts. What were we saying? Oh yeah, ze new White Stripes album has been brought forward cos of those naughty internet pirates. Arr. But it is a good thing, cos it gives us an extra week to learn all the lyrics before we go to see them on April 8th.

Glastonbury is on. It'll be REM, Radiohead and Prince, apparently.

In two days, we go to London. Then on Sunday, we fly to New York City. Since we're also going to see Manchester United take on Juventus tomorrow, this could be our last post for a while. Of course, it could be our last for an even longer time what with all this war/terrorism business. *touch wood*

Anyway, maybe we'll post tomorrow, but maybe we won't.

This blog is a blog of maybes.

2003-02-16T14:30:00.000Z

JUNK
Bollocks. If he plays against Juventus, then we will be very pissed off.

Oh well. At least we didn't get knocked out by someone like, say, Crystal Palace.

Happy Birthday Christopher Eccleston!
Reasons we love Christopher:
1. He's from Salford.
2. He's a red.
3. He was Boethius in 24 Hour Party People.

Remember. BBC2. 10pm. Tonight. 24.

A couple days late, but here's a Fab Valentine.

We're undergoing a crisis see, cos we found a picture of Fab n Drew. But The Modern Age linked to it already, and we don't wanna rip them off all the time. To ease our conscience somewhat, click here, then go through their link. That's better. No guilt now, no sireeee. None at all.

Nuh uh.

2003-02-15T00:39:00.000Z

MY BLOODY VALENTINE
So yeah, we didn't get any cards. And that's just the way we like it here at Liberteen Heights.

We really should have gone out tonight, maybe bagged some foxy indie chick, but we gotta go to that there football match tomorrow morning. What are we saying, there are no foxy indie chicks left.

Fuck, just remembered we forgot to review the NME Awards on MTV2 tonight. If they repeat it again, we'll do it. But maybe we shouldn't make promises like that, cos we never stick to them.

Oh yeah, and isn't the new NME.com looking a lot better? It's slighty confuzzling at first, but ya know. Better.

There's some new stuff on thestrokes.com, including this picture and news on The Strokes' newest friend, Mr Jingles. We *heart* Mr Jingles.

Good luck (or whatever you're supposed to say) to everyone marching tomorrow. Or maybe that should be today. Whatever, we're with you kids.

And we'd wish Scaryduck a happy birthday, but since he's a gooner, we'll wait til after the game.

2003-02-10T23:40:00.000Z

YEAH
Interviews with The Libertines and Oasis.

Ex-Verver (not McCabe) joins bunch of cunts.

The Spree haven't even left our shores yet and they've announced another tour for the summer. We'll see you in Manchester robe wearing indie kids!

The Randy Dandy Warhols have their new album ready to roll, and we love that Evan Dando and Nick Rhodes are featured. Go Duranies!

Britney should never have bothered with the movie career. Then again, neither should Madonna.

Speaking of ol' hawk features, she pops up far too often for our liking in this 100 greatest music videos thing.

If you're interested in list type things (and as our theory goes, if you're a boy, you should love lists), then here's the most downloaded songs of last month. All rather sadly predictable really.

Oh yeah, and we're going to see some band on April 8th.

2003-02-09T18:14:00.000Z

BLAH BLAH BLAH
We thought about doing a long winded rant, but we frankly can't be arsed.
Ryan Giggs is a lazy bastard.
We think that sums it all up really.

Update on thestrokes.com. They went to see Hunter S. Thompson. Bless.

The fact that this week's top 3 will be the best in ages is slightly diminished by the fact that The Timberlake is touring with some hippocrocamoose.

Louie Louie is evil.

This week, we finally got round to buying The Flaming Lips' album. It's great. We also bought this, this, this, and this. And they're all great. Oh yeah, we got a hat and some stripey socks too.

Do you like the way we're "we" now? We decided to rip off two of our fave blogs, No Rock and The Modern Age, in an attempt to look better and more professional. Although the fact that we have way too little structure and order, even by blogging standards, will probably remain a hinderance. But if we start to feel like Gollum, then we'll cut out the faux-schizophrenia. In more Lord Of The Rings related gubbins, look at Elijah Wood's great taste in music. We like Elijah.

Our favourite site of the week is X-Entertainment. Yes it is.

2003-02-03T23:48:00.000Z

SPOILT BRATS
So, the NME awards are nearly upon us once more. Has it really been a year since Nick Valensi stole the show in a white jacket? Why yes, yes it has.
*sigh* Nick.
Anyhoo, here are the nominees, with my two-peneth thrown into the hat.
BEST UK BAND
The Libertines
Oasis
The Coral
Radiohead
The Cooper Temple Clause
Coldplay
Hmm. Well it's between Oasis and The Libertines for me. And I think I'll plump for Oasis. I dunno why, just because. So there.

BEST INTERNATIONAL BAND
The Strokes
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
The Vines
The White Stripes
The Hives
Foo Fighters
Now this is tougher. While The Strokes did get bigger and bigger this last year, they only released, what, one single? And played a handful of UK gigs. Ditto The White Stripes. I don't get the Foo Fighters thing at all, and The Hives have already been found out, haven't they? Which leaves us with BRMC and The Vines. While BRMC are ace, I gotta see this going to The Vines. Then again, what with Craig's craziness, maybe they'll give it to whoever turns up. Hello Jack n Meg.

BEST LIVE BAND
Muse
The Datsuns
The Vines
The Polyphonic Spree
Oasis
The Hives
I saw all these bands last year. Apart from Polyphonic Spree. But The Strokes were on at the same time, so you gotta let me off there. Muse were the most boring band I have *ever* seen. The Datsuns were quite entertaining. Oasis went back to playing massive gigs, and that ain't a good thang. The Hives need a new act. But The Vines really were quite fantastic. So yeah, those oh so wacky Antipodeans can have this one.

BEST SOLO ARTIST
The Streets
Pink
Avril Lavigne
Ryan Adams
Eminem
Ms Dynamite
Ok. Avril Lavigne? What?! Ms Dynamite has potential, but is over rated. Same for Pink. Eminem is garbage. I don't get the Ryan Adams thing. Which leaves us with that Mike Skinner fella. And since he can turn a good tune every now and then, The Streets can win here.

BEST NEW BAND
The Coral
The Vines
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
The Libertines
The Datsuns
The Music
Get The Music outta my ears already. I'm still not having The Coral. And while I may sometimes be a bit partial to The Datsuns, they can't win. So then, The Vines, BRMC and The Libertines. Fuck it. This is going to my boys. Yay for The Libertines!

BEST VIDEO
‘Fell In Love With A Girl’ The White Stripes
‘No One Knows’ Queens Of The Stone Age
‘The Scientist’ Coldplay
‘Tribute’ Tenacious D
‘Whatever Happened To My Rock ‘n’ Roll (Punk Song)’ Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
‘You Know You're Right’ Nirvana
God, get these awards over with so they'll stop showing the advert for this on MTV2. I have no idea why "No One Knows" and "Whatever Happened To My Rock n Roll" are nominated. "Tribute" never was funny, and grows ever more tedious. "The Scientist" is clever, but it still has gonk boy going "AWOOOOOOHOOO" at the end. So therefore, this goes to everyone's favourite tired old husband/sister cliche.

BEST ALBUM
‘Highly Evolved’ The Vines
‘A Rush Of Blood To The Head’ Coldplay
‘Heathen Chemistry’ Oasis
‘The Coral’ The Coral
‘Songs For The Deaf’ Queens of The Stone Age
‘Original Pirate Material’ The Streets
Since I've only actually heard all of 'Heathen Chemistry' and 'Highly Evolved', I'm probably ill advised to comment. But I've got a blog, so fuck ya. Oasis.

BEST RADIO SHOW
Chris Moyles, Radio 1
The Breezeblock, Radio 1
Gary Crowley, BBC Radio London
Mark & Lard, Radio 1
The Evening Session/Lamacq Live, Radio 1
John Peel, Radio 1
What, no Liz Kershaw?! 6 Music's great. Pisses all over Moyles. But Lurpacq will win anyway, so there ya go.

BEST TV SHOW
Gonzo
The Office
I’m Alan Partridge
Peter Kay’s Phoenix Nights
The Osbournes
Jackass
We all know The Office will win. And yeah, it's good. But Pheonix Nights is better.

BEST SINGLE

‘Get Free’ The Vines
‘All My Life’ Foo Fighters
‘No One Knows’ Queens Of The Stone Age
‘There Goes The Fear’ Doves
‘The Scientist’ Coldplay
‘Envy’ Ash
Oh Ash. Sweet little Ash. Forever nominated for this award, aren't you? Give it to The Vines, cos it's the one I most like to dance to.

THE F*** ME! AWARD FOR INNOVATION VOTED BY NME
The Neptunes
The Streets
Interpol
Fischerspooner
The White Stripes
Panjabi MC
Is this a joke? I can't tell. The Neptunes have produced the same record for about two years, just changed the vocals. Interpol, bless 'em, really need to get over the Ian Curtis complex. Fischerspooner needn't be mentioned. I don't wanna knock The White Stripes, but, ya know. Blues. And Panjabi MC?! Didn't his record only come out last week? So The Streets then, cos no one sounds like The Streets. But still, ya know. Can't tell if they're having a laugh.

PHILIP HALL HOT NEW BAND VOTED BY NME
Jet
Kings of Leon
The Kills
The Thrills
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
The Warlocks
Still haven't heard Jet, Kings of Leon or The Warlocks. The Kills are ok. I really like The Thrills, but the Yeah Yeah Yeahs deserve this one. And as a fuck son, you suck.

ARTIST OF THE YEAR
Coldplay
Oasis
Pink
Eminem
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
The Vines
Umm, Pink and Eminem? Give it The Vines, just cos Oasis have had enuff alveady.

BEST FILM
24 Hour Party People
Minority Report
Bowling For Columbine
28 Days Later
About A Boy
Goldmember
I've watched 24 Hour Party People five times in the last week. I love that film. And yeah, there's plenty of flaws, but it's still mega. So that gets a middle finger.

MOST SEXY MAN
Chris Martin
Liam Gallagher
Fab
Craig Nicholls
Dave Grohl
Julian Casablancas
Chris Martin? Hello? What? Fab doesn't need a second name anymore, apparently. Craig Nicholls is just too weird. And short. I really really don't understand the Dave Grohl thing. He just seems old to me. Liam totally has something, but then Jules is eight years younger. And since there is no Valensi, and Fab cut his hair off, Julian wins by default.

MOST SEXY WOMAN
Kylie
Avril Lavigne
Karen O
Charlotte Hatherley
Christina Aguilera
Meg White
Avril Lavigne? Christina Aguilera? And no Kelly Osbourne? NME body facists. Kylie is sooo last year's awards. I used to really fancy Charlotte, but that was when she had short hair and I had Melody Maker posters on the wall. And while my phone does bear the legend "I LOVE MEG", she still looks too innocent to, ya know. So Karen O just nicks it. Cos she's fantasticly dressed, and would half kill me.

VILLAIN OF THE YEAR
Osama bin Laden
Robbie Williams
George W Bush
Simon Cowell
Pete Waterman
Tony Blair
Very predictable. Bin Laden though? I'd have thought Saddam would take the "big scary middle easterner" position. While they're all bad (except Simon Cowell, who's brilliant on American Idol), Bush is the truly evil one.

HERO OF THE YEAR
Liam Gallagher
Dave Grohl
Chris Martin
Craig Nicholls
Graham Coxon
Ozzy Osbourne
There's only Liam worth it here. So Mr Gallagher wins!

BEST LIVE VENUE
Brixton Academy
London Astoria
Glasgow Barrowlands
Shepherd's Bush Empire
Nottingham Rock City
Birmingham Academy
I haven't been to any, and I don't care. Whatever.

BEST HAIRCUT
Liam Gallagher
Didz
Craig Nicholls
Dave Grohl
Fab
Jack White
But Fab's hair has gone! Still, I suppose if you hated his curly mop, then you'd regard it as best haircut. But I loved the mop! Jack White's hair is a bit daft. Didz looks like one of The Faces. The again, Liam looks like one of The Small Faces. Dave Grohl has a ridiculous fringe. So Craig then. But dammit, where is Nick?!

BEST DRESSED
The Hives
Julian Casablancas
Jack White
Liam Gallagher
Taylor Hawkins
The Polyphonic Spree
So three of these wear uniforms, and are thus ruled out immediately. Doesn't Taylor Hawkins wear shorts? God I really don't get the Foo Fighters thing. Liam does look great, but you get the idea that at home he wouldn't put the effort in. Wheras Julian. Well, he's ace. Although I do believe Albert Hammond should be in with a shout.

BEST WEBSITE
NME
Ash Unofficial
Oasis
Foo Fighters
BRMC
Popbitch
Oasis' website is bloody awful! BRMC's is quite good. Popbitch went over. NME can't give it to themselves. Jesus, this is a stupid award. I mean really, who wants to win best website? Actually, I'll have it. If anyone at NME reads this, would they fix it so I could win? I never win anything.

WORST ALBUM
Robbie Williams -'Escapology'
Gareth Gates - 'What My Heart Wants To Say'
The Streets - 'Original Pirate Material'
The Vines - 'Highly Evolved'
Westlife - 'Unbreakable'
Coldplay - 'A Rush Of Blood To The Head'
Gareth Gates and Westlife are irrelevant cannon fodder for this. They wouldn't give it to The Vines, Streets or Coldplay. So Robbie Williams then, cos he really is extremely shit.

WORST SINGLE
Las Ketchup - 'The Ketchup Song'
The Cheeky Girls - 'Cheeky Song (Touch My Bum)'
Will Young and Gareth Gates - 'The Long And Winding Road'
Nickelback - 'How You Remind Me'
Robbie Williams - 'Feel'
Blazin Squad - 'Crossroads'
Again, too many of these are irrelevant. Nickelback are the worst, because people actually think they are good.

WORST BAND
S Club Juniors
Westlife
Stereophonics
Nickelback
Atomic Kitten
Blue
God NME, these pop band have no meaning to anyone! Don't give them the time of day. Since Nickelback get worst single, Stereophonics can be worst band.

WORST HAIRCUT
Gareth Gates
Kelly Osbourne
Kelly Jones
Jack Osbourne
Pink
Chad Kroeger
Leave my Kelly alone! Chad Kroeger's hair is truly awful, so he wins. Or loses. I dunno.

WORST DRESSED
Gareth Gates
Christina Aguilera
Mike Skinner
Kelly Osbourne
Robbie Williams
Robert Harvey
Hmm. Apart from Kelly O, they're all pretty bad. But Robert Harvey gets it, because people see that is cool. And I know those kind of people. And they annoy me. I'm so full of hate and bitterness.

BEST EVENT
Ozzfest
Oasis at Finsbury Park
Glastonbury
Carling Reading/Leeds Festival
T In The Park
V2002
Since I only went to Leeds, it wins by default. However, will NME dare reward the carnage and destruction?! Will they balls.

God that took ages. I would have done it earlier, but I was watching Michael Jackson. So yeah, there's my thoughts. Send me an e-mail if you disagree, ya know, if you wanna.

2003-02-02T15:25:00.000Z

LITTLE BABY NOTHING
Remember Richey today.
We miss ya kid.

2003-01-29T20:35:00.000Z

NME REVIEW: THE RETURN!
Since the ace Kelly O. is on the front of the NME, I decided to resurrect my little whip through of this oh so cherished organ. Or something like that. I won't do as much detail and stuff, cos frankly I can't be arsed.
So yeah, Kelly Osbourne, chewing gum and looking gorgeous. So I love her! So what?!?
News...Twat invades Polyphonic Spree's NME show dressed as a parrot.
The Vines got slagged off by the Aussie press for shambolic live show, and Cwaig's gone cwazy.
Baldy Billy Corgan's gonna wear a wig in a film. Woo.
Ze Lips have been busy.
The 'tineyboppers played a wee secret gig.
Ash haunted.
Blur's new guitarist is...blahdy blahdy blah.
It's a veritable Kellfest this week, what with her inspiring Courtney Love, working with Har Mar Superstar, being in an advert and doing a gig in Europe.
Liam G. steals the show in the Appleton snoozefest of a documentary.
You can do lots of protesting with the help of various musicians, ya know, if you can't be arsed doing it on your own or something.
Matey boy from The Music really is the most rabidly unattractive man I think I've ever seen. And yet here he is getting a snog! Ah well, good luck to him. Cos he'll have no chance when everyone finally realises that IT ISN'T 1989 ANYMORE!!!
The Faint to a half decent job of that CD thing.
Wow the NME seems to have lots of badly thought out articles this week. Junior Senior, drummers, things pop stars have said, 50 Cent, Erland Oye and Har Mar Superstar and Esquire all jumbled together, Good Charlotte (who are cunts, let there be no mistake) and Dashboard Confessional, who I'm sure have had a page in the NME for about 3 weeks running. Or did I imagine that?
Kelly O then. Look, I love her! I know you don't! But I do! And I don't care! I'm using too many exclamation marks! So there. And she looks gorgeous in those pictures.
Nick Cave has made an ace album again cos he's great and stuff. There's no other interesting ones out this week really. Inme are wank.
Datsuns are single of the week, which they aren't. Cos Justin Timberlake is. And Oasis. I'm giving a joint single of the week to them two. Nowt else out.
Interpol = ace. Arthur Lee's back once again like the renegade master. Remember that record? Fuckin' shit (in Ian Curtis 24 Hour Party People voice).
Thrills returns, rips off Popjustice.
Pete Libertine is in the mobile phone picture bit, but cos it's so small and such a stupid idea you can't see owt anyway.
God I don't wanna read this through again. If you even made it down here, well done, cos I don't think I did. Rambling bollocks, but I felt like writing summat, and this saves me actually thinking.
So yeah.
The End.

2003-01-25T23:14:00.000Z

HEARTY MUSICAL GOODNESS
The Libertines were on TOTP last night, and suitably rocked. Never mind the stylish kids in the riot, did you see The Docherty boy's coat? Mega!

Also somewhat great was the Flaming Lips' performance, with the world's best popstar (according to a poll conducted of me and one other person) playing bass.

Have a sneaky peek on thestrokes.com to see a video of Mr Morretti doing a rather fetching dance.

My life this week has been brought to you, in a Seseme Street style, by Interpol, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Elijah Wood's taste in music. I'm going to New York in a month. Hence the redevelopment of my NYC obsession. Oooooh, I'm all excited!! If you think there's any places there I should check out, would you be so kind as to let me know? Bear in mind I'm not 21.

I love bears.

Oh yeah, and vote for The Modern Age in best music blog at the blog award thingyjimmies. Cos it's great.

That's all.

2003-01-20T00:02:00.000Z

FOR NO REASON AT ALL...
Here is the new top 10.
1. David Sneddon - 'Stop Living The Lie'. The one who shouldn't have won Fame Academy, but did. Personally, I love Ainslie.
2. Busted - 'Year 3000'. Ok, I still have no idea who these are.
3. Girls Aloud - 'Sound Of The Underground'. Rubbish.
4. Jaimeson - 'True'. Dunno this one either.
5. Punjabi MC - 'Mundian To Bach Ke'. Or this one. I think he's in the NME this week.
6. Eminem - 'Lose Yourself'. Ah Emineminem. Your film looks shit.
7. Daniel Bedingfield - 'If You're Not The One'. This is still here??
8. Layo & Bushwacka - 'Lovestory (Vs Finally)'. Eh?
9. Electric Six - 'Danger! High Voltage'. When we touch! When we kiss!
10. Feeder - 'Just The Way I'm Feeling'. Umm, yeah. They're a bit shit aren't they?
Actually, I'm gonna have a bit of a rant now. I really can't stand these bands like Feeder. And by "these bands" I mean dull and boring indie schmindie wank without a touch of glamour or sexuality (hello, also, to The Music). I hate they way they just keep making this shit "for the fans" (god why does Noel have to be like that? The vast majority of Oasis fans are twats). I hate all the indie kids who go out where I go and will only dance to this shit.
And when I say "dance", I mean flail about in an ever so ironic way because, god forbid, lads should ever be seen doing something so stupid as dancing to, say, a Blondie or Roxy Music record. I mean, what would the girls think? No, much better to just arse about with your mates, occasionally trying to bully the people who don't look like you and are actually trying to have a good time (hello, umm, me). Because you look so attractive saying "puff". And your over-sized and over-priced Top Shop regalia just makes you look even more attractive.
Fuck off back to your Stereophonics records.