The Fall and Rise of a Liberteen

2003-06-08T21:40:00.000Z

REVOLUTION REVOLUTION REVOLUTION REVOLUTION
Here I am. Blogger's been arsing about, and I was too busy to update this load of rubbish regularly, so here's a quick entry for no reason at all.
On Friday, whilst I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour, a load of poorly stapled sheets of paper were thrust into my hand. Being as I was too drunk to read, I stuffed it in my pocket and gave no further thought to the matter. The following morning, as I rolled over to the sound of a million tiny pixes dancing on my head, I picked up said poorly stapled sheets of paper.
This fanzine has become somewhat of an inspiration, and the realisation has hit me that they are my NME, and I am the pre-Smiths Morrissey figure. If you don't know who I am, no doubt you believe I have nowhere near as classy a writing style as SPM, but that's cos this computer hurts my brain. Mr Fanzine Man, expect a written manifesto/letter/whatever to arrive on your doorstep sometime soon. I always believed this dirty old town was too small and backwards looking to do anything original, but you have given me some hope. Our musical tastes are irrelevant. The point is something is coming, and I refuse to wallow in apathy any longer. People are sick of bland pop. We may not be a London, NYC or Manchester, but if Seattle, Detroit, Omaha, New Fucking Zealand (I know it's a country, but you get what I mean) can put together movements that are relevant and exciting, I don't see why we can't.
Everyone has their 15 minutes, I think it's time for ours.

2003-05-22T23:20:00.000Z

I'M SO LONESOME I COULD CRY
God bless June Carter Cash.
Johnny Cash has quickly become one of my favourite singers ever, and without June, Johnny just wouldn't have been Johnny. I know I'm a bit late with the condolences, but this has really made me sad. Thoughts are with Johnny, and the rest of the Carter/Cash family. A beautiful woman will be missed. Leave messages at johnnycash.com to show how much you care.

To cheer myself up, I found Toothpaste For Dinner. A wonderful site, it's as inspiriational as any art I have recently beholdeded. So this applies to me. So what? At least I can laugh at myself and my trucker hat.

(Disclaimer: I do not own a trucker hat.)

2003-05-15T18:10:00.000Z

DRESS UP
So then. For some unknown reason, I still get hits, and recently I've had a few referrels for "How to dress like The Strokes/Libertines/Whoevers". Since my vacous mind is completely lacking an original thought (I have a theory that college has destroyed all my imagination and ability to create, but that's another matter), I think I'll have a go at helping people like you (yes YOU!) dress up all nice and indie likes.
I have a feeling, like most other plans I make, that there's no way I'll ever do this. So you have to keep nagging me to do it until I do and then you can all either disagree with me or go down to Oxfam and buy everything I tell you and then you'll be happy and this sentence is far too long but I can't stop writing it now because I'm afraid that if i stop typing then I'll never be able to start again except for writing in another stupid exam but they aren't for a month or so so that's ok and I'd really better stop now because The Simpsons has started and I have to go put it on I hope it's that episode where Lisa's sad cos I think that one's dead cute and stuff and I could go off on a rant about how The Simpsons has changed over the years and whether that's good or not but you probably stopped reading as soon as I went off on one didn't you and you're not even reading this now so I can say stuff like ha you smell of cheese and I've always thought so and you wouldn't even know cos you aren't reading anymore so there who's laughing now I'll tell you who...
Me! Look! Ha!

I'm so very, very lonely...

2003-05-08T22:37:00.000Z

MAN IN BLACK
Hey. Woah. What happened? Where am I? Where have I been? Memories. Flooding back...
Birthday. Alcohol. Boys. Girls. Drugs. Lights. Music. Darkness. Minicabs. Black Hair. Doorstep. Bedroom. Morning After. Repeat. Friday. Daytime. Kings Of Leon. Hazy. Leather. Brothel. More Girls. More Substances. Beware Of Sharp Edges. Spring. Flowers. Police Cell. Johnny Cash. Guitar. Candles. Hangover. Last Nite. She Said.

Ok, so I made all that up. I just couldn't be arsed blogging for a few weeks, but you could always pretend I spent a few weeks celebrating the memories or William Burroughs and Hunter S. Thompson. Wait, Thompson isn't dead, is he? Oh well.
However, Kings Of Leon were round my way, but I didn't see them cos they were on with A Shit Band. However, from what I've heard, ver Kings were super smashing great.
And NME people; Blackpool is shit. It isn't some Northern indie mecca, it's a dive.
And The Charlatans are rubbish.

2003-04-16T21:30:00.000Z

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Yep. Sing the start to that 50 Cent record, cos 18 years ago today, I graced this earth with my presence.
You may be interested to know that I share my birthday with such greats as Charlie Chaplin, Spike Milligan, Peter Ustinov and, ummm, Nick Berry.
Also, my birthday is exactly a week after Albert Hammond Jr.
Wow.
Touched by greatness.

2003-04-09T20:56:00.000Z

WHITE STRIPES/WHITE HEAT
So then, last night, The White Stripes at the Manchester Apollo (or the fancy Carling Apollo that it's been changed to since I was last there). Wow. Jack White is surely the most talented person I've ever seen. Except maybe that circus guy I saw once. But it's a different kind of talent, so I'll let it go.
Support came from Jack's old band The Go and "hotly tipped newcomers" (how I love saying that, makes me feel all journalistic) Whirlwind Heat. I arrived too late and missed The Go, but I did buy a big pink Whirlwind Heat pin badge of the girl on the record cover. So that's ok. However, they did seem to go on a bit. Maybe it was just me.
Apparently, The Stripes like to forego all that weird music-you've-never-heard that bands normally play before they come onstage, instead prefering to show Felix The Cat cartoons. Unfortunately, the sound was a bit rubbish and we couldn't hear what was going on. But still, Felix. Good.
Then the lights go down, and the audience (who I have to admit was one of the coolest I've been in attendance with) start a-hootin and a-hollerin. Meg walks out in a white top and red pants (or maybe it was a red top and white pants. I forget, but she looked pretty damn beautiful) and sits at her drumstool.
But where's Jack? You can hear people's thoughts. "Meg's all well and good, but where's the wonderkid?" Then... a flash of pale skin from the darkness of the back stage. A cigarette lights up underneath a dark floppy fringe. And he emerges.
Both sit back to back on Meg's stool, and everything is right in the world. There's only one word to describe the two of them, sat there exchanging sly glances:
SEX.
Jack saddles up his guitar and they launch into "Black Math". It's great. People jump up and down, people dance, people stand still and try to look cool. But nothing matters except Jack 'n' Meg.
The Stripes play a good balance of stuff from all four albums, highlights being the "Jolene" cover, a sweet "In The Cold, Cold Night", singalong style "You're Pretty Good Looking (For A Girl)", and a lovely lovely a cappella "Hotel Yorba", where Jack stops half way through and gets Meg to go sit at the front of the stage with him.
The tightness is amazing, so much so that you kinda forget there's only two of them. It's like Jack is always trying to fuck around and catch Meg out, but she's one step ahead, looking into his eyes as though she's telling him off but she can't help loving him all the same.
Like most good things, it's over all too soon. Sweetly, Jack 'n' Meg come back out after they've finished to apologise. Jack got carried away and it's way past 11, so they gotta go. Damn stupid licensing laws. Still, it was an amazing night.
Some minor grievances; the guitar Jack uses to play the bass bits on "Seven Nation Army" and such like is brown, and kinda clashes with the whole red, white, black thing. Also, those pants were just wrong. Red on one leg. Black on the other. And so tight around the crotch, my eyes just kept getting drawn to that bulge. Jack, put it away.
However, it was definitely one of the best gigs I've ever been to. Good times indeed.

2003-03-31T18:18:00.000Z

ELEPHANT
Listening to it right now. Fucking hell. I'm scared and excited in equal measures.

Oh yeah, due to artistic differences, "we" have split up, so it's just me now.

Dear Nick is a bit of a slut, but you've got him for now -- are you, by any chance, blonde? Chances are you met at a party, and spend all of your time continuing to party. Nothing saying love like sharing a line. Not a bad existence, if you ask me. This should definitely be fun while it lasts.
Surprise surprise. Which Stroke is Your Secret Lover? Link from The Modern Age.
I'm straight by the way.

Straight.

Totally.

2003-03-26T17:09:00.000Z

DIRTY POP
The Strokes are officially in the studio with Nigel Godrich, and might play some gigs by the end of the year. Is anybody else REALLY FUCKING EXCITED?!?

Strokes.com has had a bit of an update. Lotsa new photos. Look. It was like this when we were there. Somebody take us back.
Nick.
Nick eats.
Nick does hip hop.
Nick n Fab hold hands.

In these sad, mad, scary days, there is only one man we can all depend on. Cusack For President.

"Hey - do the Iraqis own their own oil fields yet? They're all gonna be rich over there now, right?". New(ish) Get Your War On.

Kelly O hates Christina some more.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Harry, and Johnny Cash videos.

It's NME day. Interpol on the cover. How scary is Carlos?
The NME's finally caught up with Operation Iraq Freedom (sorry, we just love saying that). They're far more concerned with clothes this week though. Is it good or bad that we have worn like 7 of the items? And we've read the Nudie Suits bit like 5 times, and we still don't understand what they're on about.
We don't like "Bandages", but "Get In Or Get Out" is a great song. Hot Hot Heat get 9 (9!!!) for their album.
Will Avril Lavigne please fuck off out of the NME?
Next week, there'll be more posters for your humble abode.

Star Spangles UK tour.

Popjustice Messageboard Ahoy! We got the first post in. We're sad like that.

Ciao for now.

2003-03-25T21:58:00.000Z

IT'S OUR TIME SWEET BABY. TO BREAK ON THROUGH
So there's this girl in my politics class. Bear in mind she's sat near me for like 18 months. I've hardly ever spoken to her, and sometimes I wish I would.
But this isn't in some kinda "oh I'm too shy she never notices me" type way. I don't wanna talk to her. She seems kinda mysterious and thoughtful, and I'd rather keep her that way than discover that actually I may not be interested in her at all. I think sometimes we all need someone to admire from afar, without ever getting near. Having said that, I've seen her down ze disco a couple of times, so I'm not ruling out getting really drunk and embarassing myself in front of her.
Now girl seems kinda indie, which makes her cute and fanciable, but she also has long hair. And here lies my problem at the moment.
WHERE ARE THE SHORT HAIRED GIRLS?!?
I mean honestly, is it too much to ask? I have nothing against long hair, I've fancied some long hairs, and will no doubt continue to do so. I just want a bit of variety, that's all.

Where did all that come from?

2003-03-20T21:29:00.000Z

SEE THESE TWO COLD FINGERS. THESE CROOKED FINGERS
We ain't happy today. And are we the only ones who don't agree with all this "support our troops" bullshit? We don't want anyone in the army to die, but we don't want any Iraqis to get bombed either. "You can't protest anymore, it isn't worth it and it's sending a bad message to our boys". Fuck off. Well done to all the kids who walked out of school, and keep on keepin on everybody. We can get over all this mess, we're good people.

Let's move on to some music news.

Manics, Charlatans and REM headlining this year's Move festival. It's only down the road, but we won't be going.

From Popbitch:
Interpol have signed a deal with LA Style hair gel
for $10,000 and a free lifetime supply.
Bless.
In other Interpol news, singer Paul tells us something we really didn't know at all about them there White Stripes. Full interview here.

Tatu will win Eurovision.

Hot Hot Heat touring UK.

Now go switch the telly on and get angry about something important.

2003-03-19T19:55:00.000Z

OH SANTA CRUZ. YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT THAT FAR
So, it's on then. Oh dear. Did you hear that army guy on the news? "It's hammer time"?!? America, you're fucked. But don't worry, the revolution will come.

Also worthy of mucho worrying; this week's NME> Avril Lavigne on the cover? What's that aboot?
The NME went ahead with their silly "Women in Rock" thing, patronising us all beyond belief. In news, Fran Healy grows his hair and Uggo boy and McCulloch cover "Walk on the Wild Side". Eminem plays a tiny gig in Detroit. Damon's the only one left in blur (cos, ya know, Dave Rowntree doesn't really count). Beasties are back and anti war. Noel's a bit daft. Axis of justice thing says stuff. Iraqi westlife, or summat. Libertines drink lots. Mick Jones = scary but great, and Elton keeps up the effort to make Catholicism cool (see David Beckham). Hot Hot Heat choose some half half decent tunes. Carl Libertine used to be a nude art model.
The Rogers Sisters look cool. We were there in that picture a few weeks ago. *sigh*
So then, the 10 women who apparently rule rock. Of Karen O there is no doubt. Avril Lavigne is about as rock as my nan. Kelly O is great, and you can just shut up. You gotta love The Mighty TATU (tm Popjustice). Pink's allowed in, cos she's a bit lezzie. VV is coolness. Peaches is kinda, ya know, old. Missy rocks. Meg is a goddess. Ms Dynamite jumped the shark long ago. Which begs the question:
Why are there 11 women here? Karen+Avril+Kelly+TATU1+TATU2+Pink+VV+Peaches+Missy+Meg+Dynamite = 11 NME fools! Just cos you're all fancy writers doesn't mean you don't have to bother with maths. Dullards.
There's lumped together stuff about Madonna, Ladytron, Lisa Maffia, Avril Lasnoozefest, Charlotte Ash talking about rock girls, and other stuff. Actually, there seems to be quite a lot in this week. Weird. We are undecided this week.
Aphex Twin returns. Huzzah! So do The Cardigans and Linkin Krap. Not so good.
Hot Hot Heat are record of the week, which is fair enough.
Oh how we love The Thrills. And god bless the MC5.
Who'd wanna go to the V festival? Thrills (not The) returns. Letters fun. Mobile pictures of Wayne Coyne and Fab pre-hairsnip. And next week, the NME misses the boat by at least 18 months, giving us a guide on how to dress like The Strokes (see me two years ago). And that's yer lot.

So there ya go. I got nowt left to say really. Oh, buy Mojo this month, it's got a nice little book of 100 singles, with pretty pictures.

We love pretty pictures.

2003-03-12T13:27:00.000Z

TURN ON THE BRIGHT LIGHTS
Our MP yesterday suggested Mr Blair stands down. Go Hilton!

We like The Interpols. They remind us of us in our suit rockin' days. Good times. Maybe we'll make like an accountant in The Pinstripes next time we get out for drinks and fun. Interpol poster in this week's NME.

Elsewhere in the weekly record or all things indie...Oasis are rolled out for the front cover cos the NME has no good interviews or stories. Tenacious D are fat and horrible. Coldplay didn't dare do nuffink about The Grammy's anti war ban thing. Lots of people are still against any war. Girls wear ties and try to be Karen O. Johnny Cash is great. It's South By Southwest. Ryan Adams has a nice jumper, oh, and he likes The White Stripes again. Leeds Fest have applied for 2 licenses. Bert McTwat is a cunt. Harry chooses some quite good tunes. Hope Of The States don't sound like they deserve to wear jackets that cool. Oasis play another gig which is the same as any other, and suddenly, we feel sad that it's gone. Silly filler feature about mobiles. NERD and Pharrell make lotsa records. Tenacious D are dull and won't be mentioned again.
Now here's the dilemma. Forget Nelly and Kelly, this is for real.
Strokes.
Or.
Libertines?
Also, Liam, or Debbie and Stripes? Interpol or Kurt? Decisions decisions. At the moment, we're picking Strokes, Debbie, White Stripes and Interpol.
Man, Evan Dando looks ooooooold. There's some nice Clash postcards. Yeah Yeah Yeahs are still coolness. We're annoyed cos we hate The Music, but now Kings Of Leon are supporting, but it's sold out, so we can't go. Oh well. Next week the NME will patronise us with an all girlies issue, and offend us by putting Avril Laspavril on the cover.
Please Mr NME. Don't do it. Don't put her on the cover. We don't like her. The Management will not be happy.

Get well soon Megs. Especially before April 8th. Jack needs you. We need you.

The new Blah video is really really bad. Seriously, total garbage.

MC5 reforming.

Everything Keith Richards says is legendary.

Hey, we just realised, we resurrected The Fabled NME Review. Wow. Even though it was all compacted like, we kinda liked it.

When we grow up, we wanna be on Des 'n' Mel's celebrity board.

2003-03-10T15:28:00.000Z

YOU SEE, WAR IS NOT THE ANSWER
Marvin got it right. Dear old fat Fred nearly got it right, he just can't formaculate a sentinence.
So anyway, go here. E-mail your MP, and Number 10, and just do everything it says right there. Thanks to our MP for voting against the war too.

While looking for a Fred Durst "agreeance" news story, we came across this. And it really does make us smile. It says something when your website has a page to answer all the rumours. Our fave rumour has to be "Rick Aguilera".
"Hey X-tina, I love the way you don't wear any clothes!!! Are you related to Dave Aguilera from down my pub? It's just, ya know, you have the same name and stuff."

2003-03-10T00:12:00.000Z

OUR TIME
"I can't understand why everyone thinks we're lesbians.'' Us neither TATU girl, us neither.

Karen O, is that you? (That probably doesn't make any sense unless you've seen the pictures from The Face, but, oh well.)

We love Flip Flop Flyin's new Minipops! Our favourites (obviously) are The Strokes and The Libertines.

Yesterday, we passed our time by watching Masters Of The Universe. Yeah. Don't fuck with Skeletor.

Who the fuckin hell are you?

Why do we read this? Seriously, we have no idea. We dunno half the people they talk about, yet we read on anyway.

Sometimes we are strange.

Sometimes?

2003-03-08T16:39:00.000Z

WHITE LIGHT
Hi. Remember us? Well, we're back. Actually, we've been back more than a week, but things happen. If we even had any readers we didn't know about before, then they've obviously fucked off by now.

So yeah. What did we learn on our trips to London and New York?
1. Girls are pretty in London.
2. New York is like some weird part of Britain. Except full of Americans.
3. Snow is good. Jumping in snow at the Statue of Liberty is better.
4. Singing in Harrods is funny.
5. We *heart* New York.

Anything interesting happen to you while we were away? No? Ah well. Keep at it kiddo. Something'll come up.

Adam Faith's died. RIP.

The Star Spangles' new single is great. The cat looks like a wonky mouthed Nick Cave in the vid. Touring next month.

Are we the only ones saddened by The Stokes at the Grammy's? I mean, Valensi + white pants = wrong. Still, Strokes + Timberlake = right. Bless Julian for wearing pink, and bless Albert for still being Mr Thrift Store 2001. We miss these Strokes though. Having said that, on thestrokes.com, Nick looks kinda foxy.

Nick's dog with Kio.

Don't look at us like that. The Strokes are our band.

We just checked The Strokes' site actually, and found they've added a few more pics, including a couple of the Courtney/Ryan/Fab/Albert acefest.

So now we've come round to Ryan Adams, since we like "Nuclear" and his stripey top.

NME.com have some pics from the Award Shows and stuff.

We've no more to add really.

See yas.

2003-02-18T23:21:00.000Z

STUFF
The Vines are coming back. UK tour, end of April, and one fine day in May.

"Elephant" is a bad name for an album. Kinda reminds us of "Who do you want?" "Barabus!". Wow, two 24 Hour Party People references in two posts. What were we saying? Oh yeah, ze new White Stripes album has been brought forward cos of those naughty internet pirates. Arr. But it is a good thing, cos it gives us an extra week to learn all the lyrics before we go to see them on April 8th.

Glastonbury is on. It'll be REM, Radiohead and Prince, apparently.

In two days, we go to London. Then on Sunday, we fly to New York City. Since we're also going to see Manchester United take on Juventus tomorrow, this could be our last post for a while. Of course, it could be our last for an even longer time what with all this war/terrorism business. *touch wood*

Anyway, maybe we'll post tomorrow, but maybe we won't.

This blog is a blog of maybes.

2003-02-16T14:30:00.000Z

JUNK
Bollocks. If he plays against Juventus, then we will be very pissed off.

Oh well. At least we didn't get knocked out by someone like, say, Crystal Palace.

Happy Birthday Christopher Eccleston!
Reasons we love Christopher:
1. He's from Salford.
2. He's a red.
3. He was Boethius in 24 Hour Party People.

Remember. BBC2. 10pm. Tonight. 24.

A couple days late, but here's a Fab Valentine.

We're undergoing a crisis see, cos we found a picture of Fab n Drew. But The Modern Age linked to it already, and we don't wanna rip them off all the time. To ease our conscience somewhat, click here, then go through their link. That's better. No guilt now, no sireeee. None at all.

Nuh uh.

2003-02-15T00:39:00.000Z

MY BLOODY VALENTINE
So yeah, we didn't get any cards. And that's just the way we like it here at Liberteen Heights.

We really should have gone out tonight, maybe bagged some foxy indie chick, but we gotta go to that there football match tomorrow morning. What are we saying, there are no foxy indie chicks left.

Fuck, just remembered we forgot to review the NME Awards on MTV2 tonight. If they repeat it again, we'll do it. But maybe we shouldn't make promises like that, cos we never stick to them.

Oh yeah, and isn't the new NME.com looking a lot better? It's slighty confuzzling at first, but ya know. Better.

There's some new stuff on thestrokes.com, including this picture and news on The Strokes' newest friend, Mr Jingles. We *heart* Mr Jingles.

Good luck (or whatever you're supposed to say) to everyone marching tomorrow. Or maybe that should be today. Whatever, we're with you kids.

And we'd wish Scaryduck a happy birthday, but since he's a gooner, we'll wait til after the game.

2003-02-10T23:40:00.000Z

YEAH
Interviews with The Libertines and Oasis.

Ex-Verver (not McCabe) joins bunch of cunts.

The Spree haven't even left our shores yet and they've announced another tour for the summer. We'll see you in Manchester robe wearing indie kids!

The Randy Dandy Warhols have their new album ready to roll, and we love that Evan Dando and Nick Rhodes are featured. Go Duranies!

Britney should never have bothered with the movie career. Then again, neither should Madonna.

Speaking of ol' hawk features, she pops up far too often for our liking in this 100 greatest music videos thing.

If you're interested in list type things (and as our theory goes, if you're a boy, you should love lists), then here's the most downloaded songs of last month. All rather sadly predictable really.

Oh yeah, and we're going to see some band on April 8th.

2003-02-09T18:14:00.000Z

BLAH BLAH BLAH
We thought about doing a long winded rant, but we frankly can't be arsed.
Ryan Giggs is a lazy bastard.
We think that sums it all up really.

Update on thestrokes.com. They went to see Hunter S. Thompson. Bless.

The fact that this week's top 3 will be the best in ages is slightly diminished by the fact that The Timberlake is touring with some hippocrocamoose.

Louie Louie is evil.

This week, we finally got round to buying The Flaming Lips' album. It's great. We also bought this, this, this, and this. And they're all great. Oh yeah, we got a hat and some stripey socks too.

Do you like the way we're "we" now? We decided to rip off two of our fave blogs, No Rock and The Modern Age, in an attempt to look better and more professional. Although the fact that we have way too little structure and order, even by blogging standards, will probably remain a hinderance. But if we start to feel like Gollum, then we'll cut out the faux-schizophrenia. In more Lord Of The Rings related gubbins, look at Elijah Wood's great taste in music. We like Elijah.

Our favourite site of the week is X-Entertainment. Yes it is.

2003-02-03T23:48:00.000Z

SPOILT BRATS
So, the NME awards are nearly upon us once more. Has it really been a year since Nick Valensi stole the show in a white jacket? Why yes, yes it has.
*sigh* Nick.
Anyhoo, here are the nominees, with my two-peneth thrown into the hat.
BEST UK BAND
The Libertines
Oasis
The Coral
Radiohead
The Cooper Temple Clause
Coldplay
Hmm. Well it's between Oasis and The Libertines for me. And I think I'll plump for Oasis. I dunno why, just because. So there.

BEST INTERNATIONAL BAND
The Strokes
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
The Vines
The White Stripes
The Hives
Foo Fighters
Now this is tougher. While The Strokes did get bigger and bigger this last year, they only released, what, one single? And played a handful of UK gigs. Ditto The White Stripes. I don't get the Foo Fighters thing at all, and The Hives have already been found out, haven't they? Which leaves us with BRMC and The Vines. While BRMC are ace, I gotta see this going to The Vines. Then again, what with Craig's craziness, maybe they'll give it to whoever turns up. Hello Jack n Meg.

BEST LIVE BAND
Muse
The Datsuns
The Vines
The Polyphonic Spree
Oasis
The Hives
I saw all these bands last year. Apart from Polyphonic Spree. But The Strokes were on at the same time, so you gotta let me off there. Muse were the most boring band I have *ever* seen. The Datsuns were quite entertaining. Oasis went back to playing massive gigs, and that ain't a good thang. The Hives need a new act. But The Vines really were quite fantastic. So yeah, those oh so wacky Antipodeans can have this one.

BEST SOLO ARTIST
The Streets
Pink
Avril Lavigne
Ryan Adams
Eminem
Ms Dynamite
Ok. Avril Lavigne? What?! Ms Dynamite has potential, but is over rated. Same for Pink. Eminem is garbage. I don't get the Ryan Adams thing. Which leaves us with that Mike Skinner fella. And since he can turn a good tune every now and then, The Streets can win here.

BEST NEW BAND
The Coral
The Vines
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
The Libertines
The Datsuns
The Music
Get The Music outta my ears already. I'm still not having The Coral. And while I may sometimes be a bit partial to The Datsuns, they can't win. So then, The Vines, BRMC and The Libertines. Fuck it. This is going to my boys. Yay for The Libertines!

BEST VIDEO
‘Fell In Love With A Girl’ The White Stripes
‘No One Knows’ Queens Of The Stone Age
‘The Scientist’ Coldplay
‘Tribute’ Tenacious D
‘Whatever Happened To My Rock ‘n’ Roll (Punk Song)’ Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
‘You Know You're Right’ Nirvana
God, get these awards over with so they'll stop showing the advert for this on MTV2. I have no idea why "No One Knows" and "Whatever Happened To My Rock n Roll" are nominated. "Tribute" never was funny, and grows ever more tedious. "The Scientist" is clever, but it still has gonk boy going "AWOOOOOOHOOO" at the end. So therefore, this goes to everyone's favourite tired old husband/sister cliche.

BEST ALBUM
‘Highly Evolved’ The Vines
‘A Rush Of Blood To The Head’ Coldplay
‘Heathen Chemistry’ Oasis
‘The Coral’ The Coral
‘Songs For The Deaf’ Queens of The Stone Age
‘Original Pirate Material’ The Streets
Since I've only actually heard all of 'Heathen Chemistry' and 'Highly Evolved', I'm probably ill advised to comment. But I've got a blog, so fuck ya. Oasis.

BEST RADIO SHOW
Chris Moyles, Radio 1
The Breezeblock, Radio 1
Gary Crowley, BBC Radio London
Mark & Lard, Radio 1
The Evening Session/Lamacq Live, Radio 1
John Peel, Radio 1
What, no Liz Kershaw?! 6 Music's great. Pisses all over Moyles. But Lurpacq will win anyway, so there ya go.

BEST TV SHOW
Gonzo
The Office
I’m Alan Partridge
Peter Kay’s Phoenix Nights
The Osbournes
Jackass
We all know The Office will win. And yeah, it's good. But Pheonix Nights is better.

BEST SINGLE

‘Get Free’ The Vines
‘All My Life’ Foo Fighters
‘No One Knows’ Queens Of The Stone Age
‘There Goes The Fear’ Doves
‘The Scientist’ Coldplay
‘Envy’ Ash
Oh Ash. Sweet little Ash. Forever nominated for this award, aren't you? Give it to The Vines, cos it's the one I most like to dance to.

THE F*** ME! AWARD FOR INNOVATION VOTED BY NME
The Neptunes
The Streets
Interpol
Fischerspooner
The White Stripes
Panjabi MC
Is this a joke? I can't tell. The Neptunes have produced the same record for about two years, just changed the vocals. Interpol, bless 'em, really need to get over the Ian Curtis complex. Fischerspooner needn't be mentioned. I don't wanna knock The White Stripes, but, ya know. Blues. And Panjabi MC?! Didn't his record only come out last week? So The Streets then, cos no one sounds like The Streets. But still, ya know. Can't tell if they're having a laugh.

PHILIP HALL HOT NEW BAND VOTED BY NME
Jet
Kings of Leon
The Kills
The Thrills
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
The Warlocks
Still haven't heard Jet, Kings of Leon or The Warlocks. The Kills are ok. I really like The Thrills, but the Yeah Yeah Yeahs deserve this one. And as a fuck son, you suck.

ARTIST OF THE YEAR
Coldplay
Oasis
Pink
Eminem
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
The Vines
Umm, Pink and Eminem? Give it The Vines, just cos Oasis have had enuff alveady.

BEST FILM
24 Hour Party People
Minority Report
Bowling For Columbine
28 Days Later
About A Boy
Goldmember
I've watched 24 Hour Party People five times in the last week. I love that film. And yeah, there's plenty of flaws, but it's still mega. So that gets a middle finger.

MOST SEXY MAN
Chris Martin
Liam Gallagher
Fab
Craig Nicholls
Dave Grohl
Julian Casablancas
Chris Martin? Hello? What? Fab doesn't need a second name anymore, apparently. Craig Nicholls is just too weird. And short. I really really don't understand the Dave Grohl thing. He just seems old to me. Liam totally has something, but then Jules is eight years younger. And since there is no Valensi, and Fab cut his hair off, Julian wins by default.

MOST SEXY WOMAN
Kylie
Avril Lavigne
Karen O
Charlotte Hatherley
Christina Aguilera
Meg White
Avril Lavigne? Christina Aguilera? And no Kelly Osbourne? NME body facists. Kylie is sooo last year's awards. I used to really fancy Charlotte, but that was when she had short hair and I had Melody Maker posters on the wall. And while my phone does bear the legend "I LOVE MEG", she still looks too innocent to, ya know. So Karen O just nicks it. Cos she's fantasticly dressed, and would half kill me.

VILLAIN OF THE YEAR
Osama bin Laden
Robbie Williams
George W Bush
Simon Cowell
Pete Waterman
Tony Blair
Very predictable. Bin Laden though? I'd have thought Saddam would take the "big scary middle easterner" position. While they're all bad (except Simon Cowell, who's brilliant on American Idol), Bush is the truly evil one.

HERO OF THE YEAR
Liam Gallagher
Dave Grohl
Chris Martin
Craig Nicholls
Graham Coxon
Ozzy Osbourne
There's only Liam worth it here. So Mr Gallagher wins!

BEST LIVE VENUE
Brixton Academy
London Astoria
Glasgow Barrowlands
Shepherd's Bush Empire
Nottingham Rock City
Birmingham Academy
I haven't been to any, and I don't care. Whatever.

BEST HAIRCUT
Liam Gallagher
Didz
Craig Nicholls
Dave Grohl
Fab
Jack White
But Fab's hair has gone! Still, I suppose if you hated his curly mop, then you'd regard it as best haircut. But I loved the mop! Jack White's hair is a bit daft. Didz looks like one of The Faces. The again, Liam looks like one of The Small Faces. Dave Grohl has a ridiculous fringe. So Craig then. But dammit, where is Nick?!

BEST DRESSED
The Hives
Julian Casablancas
Jack White
Liam Gallagher
Taylor Hawkins
The Polyphonic Spree
So three of these wear uniforms, and are thus ruled out immediately. Doesn't Taylor Hawkins wear shorts? God I really don't get the Foo Fighters thing. Liam does look great, but you get the idea that at home he wouldn't put the effort in. Wheras Julian. Well, he's ace. Although I do believe Albert Hammond should be in with a shout.

BEST WEBSITE
NME
Ash Unofficial
Oasis
Foo Fighters
BRMC
Popbitch
Oasis' website is bloody awful! BRMC's is quite good. Popbitch went over. NME can't give it to themselves. Jesus, this is a stupid award. I mean really, who wants to win best website? Actually, I'll have it. If anyone at NME reads this, would they fix it so I could win? I never win anything.

WORST ALBUM
Robbie Williams -'Escapology'
Gareth Gates - 'What My Heart Wants To Say'
The Streets - 'Original Pirate Material'
The Vines - 'Highly Evolved'
Westlife - 'Unbreakable'
Coldplay - 'A Rush Of Blood To The Head'
Gareth Gates and Westlife are irrelevant cannon fodder for this. They wouldn't give it to The Vines, Streets or Coldplay. So Robbie Williams then, cos he really is extremely shit.

WORST SINGLE
Las Ketchup - 'The Ketchup Song'
The Cheeky Girls - 'Cheeky Song (Touch My Bum)'
Will Young and Gareth Gates - 'The Long And Winding Road'
Nickelback - 'How You Remind Me'
Robbie Williams - 'Feel'
Blazin Squad - 'Crossroads'
Again, too many of these are irrelevant. Nickelback are the worst, because people actually think they are good.

WORST BAND
S Club Juniors
Westlife
Stereophonics
Nickelback
Atomic Kitten
Blue
God NME, these pop band have no meaning to anyone! Don't give them the time of day. Since Nickelback get worst single, Stereophonics can be worst band.

WORST HAIRCUT
Gareth Gates
Kelly Osbourne
Kelly Jones
Jack Osbourne
Pink
Chad Kroeger
Leave my Kelly alone! Chad Kroeger's hair is truly awful, so he wins. Or loses. I dunno.

WORST DRESSED
Gareth Gates
Christina Aguilera
Mike Skinner
Kelly Osbourne
Robbie Williams
Robert Harvey
Hmm. Apart from Kelly O, they're all pretty bad. But Robert Harvey gets it, because people see that is cool. And I know those kind of people. And they annoy me. I'm so full of hate and bitterness.

BEST EVENT
Ozzfest
Oasis at Finsbury Park
Glastonbury
Carling Reading/Leeds Festival
T In The Park
V2002
Since I only went to Leeds, it wins by default. However, will NME dare reward the carnage and destruction?! Will they balls.

God that took ages. I would have done it earlier, but I was watching Michael Jackson. So yeah, there's my thoughts. Send me an e-mail if you disagree, ya know, if you wanna.

2003-02-02T15:25:00.000Z

LITTLE BABY NOTHING
Remember Richey today.
We miss ya kid.

2003-01-29T20:35:00.000Z

NME REVIEW: THE RETURN!
Since the ace Kelly O. is on the front of the NME, I decided to resurrect my little whip through of this oh so cherished organ. Or something like that. I won't do as much detail and stuff, cos frankly I can't be arsed.
So yeah, Kelly Osbourne, chewing gum and looking gorgeous. So I love her! So what?!?
News...Twat invades Polyphonic Spree's NME show dressed as a parrot.
The Vines got slagged off by the Aussie press for shambolic live show, and Cwaig's gone cwazy.
Baldy Billy Corgan's gonna wear a wig in a film. Woo.
Ze Lips have been busy.
The 'tineyboppers played a wee secret gig.
Ash haunted.
Blur's new guitarist is...blahdy blahdy blah.
It's a veritable Kellfest this week, what with her inspiring Courtney Love, working with Har Mar Superstar, being in an advert and doing a gig in Europe.
Liam G. steals the show in the Appleton snoozefest of a documentary.
You can do lots of protesting with the help of various musicians, ya know, if you can't be arsed doing it on your own or something.
Matey boy from The Music really is the most rabidly unattractive man I think I've ever seen. And yet here he is getting a snog! Ah well, good luck to him. Cos he'll have no chance when everyone finally realises that IT ISN'T 1989 ANYMORE!!!
The Faint to a half decent job of that CD thing.
Wow the NME seems to have lots of badly thought out articles this week. Junior Senior, drummers, things pop stars have said, 50 Cent, Erland Oye and Har Mar Superstar and Esquire all jumbled together, Good Charlotte (who are cunts, let there be no mistake) and Dashboard Confessional, who I'm sure have had a page in the NME for about 3 weeks running. Or did I imagine that?
Kelly O then. Look, I love her! I know you don't! But I do! And I don't care! I'm using too many exclamation marks! So there. And she looks gorgeous in those pictures.
Nick Cave has made an ace album again cos he's great and stuff. There's no other interesting ones out this week really. Inme are wank.
Datsuns are single of the week, which they aren't. Cos Justin Timberlake is. And Oasis. I'm giving a joint single of the week to them two. Nowt else out.
Interpol = ace. Arthur Lee's back once again like the renegade master. Remember that record? Fuckin' shit (in Ian Curtis 24 Hour Party People voice).
Thrills returns, rips off Popjustice.
Pete Libertine is in the mobile phone picture bit, but cos it's so small and such a stupid idea you can't see owt anyway.
God I don't wanna read this through again. If you even made it down here, well done, cos I don't think I did. Rambling bollocks, but I felt like writing summat, and this saves me actually thinking.
So yeah.
The End.

2003-01-25T23:14:00.000Z

HEARTY MUSICAL GOODNESS
The Libertines were on TOTP last night, and suitably rocked. Never mind the stylish kids in the riot, did you see The Docherty boy's coat? Mega!

Also somewhat great was the Flaming Lips' performance, with the world's best popstar (according to a poll conducted of me and one other person) playing bass.

Have a sneaky peek on thestrokes.com to see a video of Mr Morretti doing a rather fetching dance.

My life this week has been brought to you, in a Seseme Street style, by Interpol, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Elijah Wood's taste in music. I'm going to New York in a month. Hence the redevelopment of my NYC obsession. Oooooh, I'm all excited!! If you think there's any places there I should check out, would you be so kind as to let me know? Bear in mind I'm not 21.

I love bears.

Oh yeah, and vote for The Modern Age in best music blog at the blog award thingyjimmies. Cos it's great.

That's all.

2003-01-20T00:02:00.000Z

FOR NO REASON AT ALL...
Here is the new top 10.
1. David Sneddon - 'Stop Living The Lie'. The one who shouldn't have won Fame Academy, but did. Personally, I love Ainslie.
2. Busted - 'Year 3000'. Ok, I still have no idea who these are.
3. Girls Aloud - 'Sound Of The Underground'. Rubbish.
4. Jaimeson - 'True'. Dunno this one either.
5. Punjabi MC - 'Mundian To Bach Ke'. Or this one. I think he's in the NME this week.
6. Eminem - 'Lose Yourself'. Ah Emineminem. Your film looks shit.
7. Daniel Bedingfield - 'If You're Not The One'. This is still here??
8. Layo & Bushwacka - 'Lovestory (Vs Finally)'. Eh?
9. Electric Six - 'Danger! High Voltage'. When we touch! When we kiss!
10. Feeder - 'Just The Way I'm Feeling'. Umm, yeah. They're a bit shit aren't they?
Actually, I'm gonna have a bit of a rant now. I really can't stand these bands like Feeder. And by "these bands" I mean dull and boring indie schmindie wank without a touch of glamour or sexuality (hello, also, to The Music). I hate they way they just keep making this shit "for the fans" (god why does Noel have to be like that? The vast majority of Oasis fans are twats). I hate all the indie kids who go out where I go and will only dance to this shit.
And when I say "dance", I mean flail about in an ever so ironic way because, god forbid, lads should ever be seen doing something so stupid as dancing to, say, a Blondie or Roxy Music record. I mean, what would the girls think? No, much better to just arse about with your mates, occasionally trying to bully the people who don't look like you and are actually trying to have a good time (hello, umm, me). Because you look so attractive saying "puff". And your over-sized and over-priced Top Shop regalia just makes you look even more attractive.
Fuck off back to your Stereophonics records.

2003-01-19T13:44:00.000Z

HEY NICKY YOU'RE SO FINE
This last week marked the 22nd year everyone's favourite Stroke called Nick has graced this crazy ol' world of ours. So in tribute, here is some Maximum Valensige.
Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick
Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick
Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick
Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick
My favouritest Nick
Oh, and whoever got here by searching for "Nick Valensi topless", Here ya go.
So I like Nick. Is that a problem? Is it?!?

2003-01-13T23:07:00.000Z

POP MUSIC SUDDENLY SEEMS TO BE GETTING VERY OLD
While I can't stand the Bee Gees, and I've always thought they were arses, it's sad to see Maurice Gibb go. But will he only be remember as "the bloke who married Lulu"? When Bowie croaks it, will his obituaries contain the line "he nobbed Lulu once"?
Much more sad and touching for me personally is the death of T Rex's Mickey Finn. I love T Rex. Got nothing else to add really. I just love T Rex.
And Pete Townshend. You're a tosser. I never liked you, and now. God, you always pissed me off.
I have to think of happy things now.
This'll do. Ahhh, good memories.

2003-01-12T15:41:00.000Z

MAXIMUM LIBERTINAGE
So Ver 'Tines were on T4 this very morning. But what was the miming all about? Come along Peter, must try harder my boy.
Tune in to Top Of The Pops this week to see, as nice Vernon put it, "greasy hair, dirty fingers and..". Actually, I forget what else he said. It was quite funny though. So yeah, watch it!
*did you see the stylish kids in the riot...*

2003-01-09T21:07:00.000Z

FAB AND DREW SITTIN' IN A TREE
Am I the only Strokes fan person who doesn't mind Drew Barrymore? I think she's alright really, and there is summat kinda attractive going on there. But maybe that's just me. Well, me and Moretti boy. Anyway, whatever the truth is in these rumours, good luck Fabby baby!
But surely the far more pressing issue here is *shock horror* that Miss Barrymore was touched by the hand of The Hammond before our newly shorn drumming hero could get his little mits on her. That's what I heard anyway.
I apologise for the number of links in this post. I don't know what came over me.

2003-01-04T00:37:00.000Z

WHEN YOU WRITE NME OVER AND OVER AND OVER IT LOOKS LIKE MENMENMEN. AND THAT'S THE WRONG IMPRESSION TOTALLY FOR THIS BLOG
You may have noticed I never did the NME paper thing over Christmas time. Mistletoe and swine. Frankly my dear, I couldn't be arsed. Did you see the size of that bugger? It was a job bloody reading the thing, never mind writing on here about it. Wasn't as good as the year before's anyway. I think I'll start doing a more truncated version. Like Nelly the Elephant would do, were she to add an "ated" onto her "trunc". Or even her "trunk". I often wonder what dear old Nelly packed in her trunk. I mean, you don't see elephants wandering round in clothes, do you? Maybe she nicked some stuff from the circus, like you do from posh hotels. I wonder what's worth blagging from inside a big top. I wouldn't mind one of them ringmaster outfits. They're well flash. Maybe she packed her boo, like in that song she did with that fella from Destiny's Child.
I'm undecided whether I should bother with this week's NME. I rather (rather? that's a bit posh) like the way this little blog is floating about on the internet at the moment, without a real purpose, yet with lots of purposes. But no porpoises (thank you penguin person). Reminds me of that bag in American Beauty. I always thought it was Mena Suvari I loved, but the other night, it hit me. I love Thora Birch.
That's all for the night chidren. Sleep tight.

2003-01-02T19:07:00.000Z

NO REGRETS
I like to think that I don't regret anything in my life, cos like, if I changed anything, then I wouldn't be the person I am. But that's bollocks. I spend half my life thinking about things that have been and gone. I think we all do.
At the moment, my biggest regret is not going to see Morrissey at Blackburn. I know there's other, bigger things I could be regretting, but it really pisses me off that I didn't go. I mean, Morrissey. In Blackburn. And I wasn't there. I may get another chance, but it won't be the same. I missed that night. I missed that moment. Forgive me Stephen Patrick, for I have sinned against you.
I'm sorry that I named this little input after a Robbie Williams song, but not as sorry as I am over the fact that I'm the only person in the world who notices that all the male characters in The Simpsons wear women's blazers. Just look at the buttons. Hopefully now that I've told you, I won't be so alone in my pain and suffering. Thanks for listening.

2003-01-02T17:20:00.000Z

CRIKEY
That Steve Irwin's on telly. They're a funny lot, them Ozzies. We've got some relatives from the land down under, they came over and saw us a couple months back. Strong handshakes. Not strong as in "I'm crushing your hand look how hard I am". They might be a bit cocky, but they ain't the bullying kind. It's more a kind of "g'day mate, I strangle crocodiles and eat snakes with these hands". Except you eat snakes with your teeth. Not that I'd ever eat a snake anyway. But you know what I'm getting at.
I'm quite ashamed of my handshake sometimes. It's good that there's not as much call for handshaking occasions in this modern age of ours, cos ya see, I've got a touch of the limp wrist. I don't walk the other way or anything, ya know, I've just always been one of those that doesn't put much thought into keeping your wrists straight and upright at all times. I've got better things to do with my time. It's alright on the night when I'm down the indie disco, the foxy strokes fans go mad for a bit of limpness. But out in the wide open is a different matter. I do it without realising. I just slip me hand in there, and as the shaking begins, a sudden realisation hits me. My fellow shaker must be thinking "that's a bit limp", or in the Ozzie relative case, "crikey, you'd never ride a kangaroo with that kinda grip, ya flaming gallah!".
Some people love Steve Irwin for the way he looks. Others for the way he talks. But me, I love him cos of the background music. Just listen to it next time he's on. Makes you wanna put on your dancing shoes and get up offa that thing.

2003-01-02T16:33:00.000Z

"Along with thousands and thousands and thousands I will holiday on the day she dies and again on the day she's buried. I shall drink on her cold grave as her cold heart infects the ground it's been placed in"
kevin keegan kissed thatcher. If for nothing else, hate them for this.
Brady.

2003-01-02T16:09:00.000Z

HAPPY NEW YEAR
I hope everyone had a good time over the holidays. I got kissed by a lesbian. Which was nice.

2002-12-24T01:45:00.000Z

RIP JOE
1952-2002
You're one of the greats, man.

2002-12-21T21:42:00.000Z

LOVE
So, having just watched the Courtney Love/Albert Hammond Jr/Fab Moretti/Ryan Adams love in on MTV2, I've decided to relearn how to play guitar. Remember you saw this blog before I was a rock n roll star, cos one day I'll be famous.
Oh, and in case I don't see you before Wednesday, Merry Christmas.

2002-12-19T23:14:00.000Z

WHO GIVES A FUCK WHAT YOU THINK?!?
Well I give a fuck what I think! So, in yet another astonishingly original idea, here's my favourite albums of 2002. Just hum the top 40 tune to yourself while you read down. Trust me, it makes it more exciting!
5. Doves - The Last Broadcast. How can three scruffy, dishevelled looking Mancs make such beautiful, wonderous music? Maybe they're slightly over rated, but still a million miles better than Radiohead. Top.
4. Oasis - Heathen Chemistry. Yeah yeah yeah, you probably hate them, but I don't care. Liam's still a star, and while it's hardly "Definitely Maybe", when they do get it right it pisses all over anything the New Rock Revolution can produce.
3. The Vines - Highly Evolved. I know, obvious, but it's a cracking album. The dreamy "Homesick" and "Mary Jane" are two of the most beautifully fragile tunes I own, and I'm quite partial to that kinda thing. "Factory" just makes me wanna put on my dancing shoes too, which is always appreciated. I only hope Craig doesn't start to get tiresome. Maybe it's just me, but I'm finding it all a bit tedious now. Still, a fantastic album.
2. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - BRMC. Oh Black Rebel, how suited you are to me. You all know what words I would use to describe them, the NME's said it a million times, so just buy the album and listen to it. Though preferrably in complete darkness.
1. The Libertines - Up The Bracket. What else was it gonna be? I love everything about this band, I love everything about this record. I can't recommend it highly enough. I know you'll think I'm such a loser, but I really do love this band. My mum thinks, what with my Strokes and Libertines fandom, I am an obsessive nutjob. But I'm not! I just like to throw myself into things! Anyway, I'm getting off the point. Ace album. Buy it.

2002-12-16T21:05:00.000Z

NME ME ME
(Sorry for the lateness again. I have realised that the chance of the NME review arriving on here on a Wednesday is about as likely as a United game kicking off at 3 on a Saturday. So yeah, sorry.)
Liam's on the front of the NME. He's had a "wild week!", in case you didn't know. This week's cover marks the return of the puns under the big NME letters too! "This is my tooth, show me yours" indeed.
The NME hasn't half gone mad for this story; Our Liam dedicated "Live Forever" to his teeth at Oasis' opening UK gig, there's detailed coverage of all the shenanagins, including a great picture of Liam in a furry coat and hat, looking like he's wearing mascara and eye liner, there's a picture of Tony Soprano cos Italian mafia types might have been involved, Noel and Liam are still not mates, and most NME readers support Liam, as they should, cos he's rock 'n fuckin' roll man!!!
Starsailor, Nas and Cooper Temple Clause are all doing NME shows next year. That Irish twat off of Rise and the rubbish Sara Cox show is taking over the Evening Session, but only for a little while until that Kiwi twat off of MTV2 and Xfm is allowed to do it, why didn't they just keep Lamacq?? Despite promising to find out what Coldplay's oh so interesting message on their drumkit was about, the NME still doesn't know. And I still don't care. The Stones are ripping off Serbians. ARGH!!! AAARRRRGGGHHHH!!! A perfectly good picture of Craig Vines is ruined by that hideously ugly gonk from The Music. Yeah Yeah Yeahs becoming the ten trillionth New York band to sign a made up record deal. Glassjaw singer is poorly sick. Sharon Osbourne is giving a Christmas message at the same time as the Queen. A Queen of a different kind, Josh Homme, has recorded a song with UNKLE. Belle & Sebastian are gonna play some lovely indie pop on John Peel this Wednesday. The devine Kelly O. is yet again the subject of a "You Cock!", this time falling out with the Sugababes. I still haven't heard Jet, but I have a rubbish computer connection and I can't be arsed listening to the Evening Session half the time. I get my New Rock fix off MTV2, or flicking through Xfm and 6 Music on digital. Billy Corgan's band Zwan have named their album "Mary Star Of The Sea". The White Stripes have sneaked out a Christmas record. The Streets is working with More Fire Crew. And there's more stuff about the Jackass film, even though it doesn't come out for ages. We all love Knoxville though.
Erol Alkan from Trash does the "Burn It!" CD, and pretty damn fine it is too. Johnny Cash, The Byrds, Pavement, and the kind of record I was raised on thanks to my Mum's glorious record collection, The Ronettes' "Be My Baby".
Here's a great band for you. The Star Spangles. The singer looks like Nick Cave, drummer Joey Valentine could have the coolness to match Fab, they have a guitarist called Tommy Volume, and a Nick, cos all good bands need a Nick. But not only do they look mega, "Which Of The Two Of Us Is Gonna Burn This House Down?" is a cracking tune too. Thanks to nme.com, and 6 Music, I've got to listen to this one, and I decided they are my new favourite band. Cos I'm fickle like that.
There's a cute little form to fill in, and next week you can match your answers to various indie celebs. In case you're interested, my answers would be: Kelly O, Clever, Do, Saddam, Meg, Half-empty, Jay-Z, Liam, On top, Drunk, Red, Sabbath, Mod, Boxers, Stones, Swallow, Squirrels, Tattoos, The Strokes.
The Hellacopters are alright, if you like that kinda thing.
The Soledad Brothers are one of those bands I was on about earlier. They always get a mention, but I can't be arsed looking around to listen to them. I'll put it on my to-do list. They look like they're trying a bit too hard though.
Oh, it's Pink. Bless her. I have to admit she's growing on me. Kelly's still my fave though.
Sandwiched between the Pink interview is and NME photo booklet thing. There's a boring picture of boring Coldplay, the a fantastic spread of Kelly O and Liam, both looking marvellous. Cooper Temples picture isn't so good. The Von Bondies look pretty cool. They must have had a cooler picture of The Vines though, that one's a bit rubbish. The Jack White picture isn't too good either. Howlin' Pelle Hive just looks too rock n roll to be true. A great little shot of Nick Stroke that's going on my wall. And finally The Datsuns look pretty cool, if you ignore the non-Dolf haircuts.
Reviews, and New Order's "Retro" collection is "fittingly, flawed but excellent", 7. WIT get a 7 too for their electroclash effort. The Fame Academy album is shit (3), but Ainlie is lovely, and "Lullaby" is a nice little tune.
A condensed review of the singles this week, and Jet are, unsurprisingly, Single Of The Week. Girls Aloud and One True Voice are not only shit, but also way too ugly for pop bands. I mean, Atomic Kitten and Blue are pushing it, but these lot are absolute munters. Avril Lavigne's rubbish too. But rejoice! Death In Vegas and Liam have produced a cracker in time for Crimbo, and "Merry Christmas from The White Stripes" sounds sweet.
BRMC are great live, which we all knew anyway. I've been to the ICA in London you know. I saw The Libertines there, and stood next to Pete Doherty in his military jacket. Ah, happy memories. Anyway, Ikara Colt played there, and they were great. The way I'm heading though, I'll be one of the "sweaty-haired drop-outs with a CV boasting little more than A, D, G and a kick-ass pair of Converse". The Streets are great too.
That Vodafone section in NMEmail should be renamed "pictures of Liam with some gonk". People are split over Liam's antics and Fab's head shearing. And Audioslave fans can just bugger off to Kerrang!, cos their song is a load of shit. And you're right Mr A Ferguson, Diego Forlan does have "a big, lovely, happy smile".
Next week it's the Christmas special, which is always a treat. Oasis, The Vines, White Stripes, The Hives, BRMC, The Libertines. What? No Strokes?? Won't be as good as last year's issue.

2002-12-10T17:32:00.000Z

I USE THE NME. I USE ANARCHY
Yet again, we get the NME in a bag, and this is because we get some badges (or pins to my oh so many American fans)! In case you're interested, I got a pretty cool White Stripes one, and rubbish "You Cock!" and NME ones.
The Streets is/are on the cover, licking some dollars.
News...or should that be promotions? It's nearly that time again, where the NME put loads of gigs on. The Vines, The Coral, The Streets and The Datsuns are all headlining somewhere or another. "Could Liam be Christmas Number One?", umm, I doubt it. Good tune mind. In other Oasis news, The Bandits, Electric Soft Parade and (oh dearie me) Ocean Colour Scene will support them this month. The Strokes tour has ended, and Julian jumped in the crowd (he did this when I saw them in Manchester earlier this year), which obviously means Nikolai is leaving and they're splitting up, in other words a nothing story. But we do get a picture of Julesy boy. Napster has finally died off. The Osbournes are back! (on American telly), we won't get to see the new series on MTV til next February. Blur are gonna split up (finally). Chris Martin's been writing more secret messages. Jet have signed a record deal with Elektra. Serj from System Of A Down still hates George Bush, and his band just released their new album. 15,000 people have signed the Green Day anti-war petition. OutKast man wants to be in a film. The Coral have filmed a 45 minute tribute to Easy Rider with BMXs, those crazy scallies! Pulp's "Hits" has totally bombed, getting to only 71 in the album charts. P. Diddy's running for President. Kelly Osbourne looks very sweaty, and I still love her. Keith Flint got threatened by a farmer with a gun. Lots of musicians are supporting the firefighters. According to readers, the NME top 100 singles should have included "Don't Look Back In Anger", "Imagine" and "Paranoid Android". Picture of Idlewild, who now all look pretty much identical. Is anyone remotely interested in Audioslave? I know I'm not. Coldplay did a cover of "Barbie Girl", students eh? Jay-Z was headteacher at a school for a day. White Stripes played a gig in (*Count off Sesame Street voice*) Transylvaniaaaa. NME takes Robbie Williams' new album to America; they hate it. Ryan Adams is still having a go at Jack White, this time calling him a "ponce". Primal Scream's greatest hits will come out next year. The "Hot New Band" are The Basement.
The Rapture do Burn It!. Barry White, Bob Dylan, Stevie Wonder, Biz Markie. Not bad.
Wow! They revealed who the owner of "Your Cock" was! And it's......umm, some bloke from that band with the girl who shagged Liam before he got with Patsy Kensit. Disappointing.
The Ravonettes are good. And you can't argue with a "Velvets fetish" and a singer called Sharin Foo.
NME cashes in on Winonagate by pretty much retelling what happened in the Ryder-featuring Courtney Love article from last year. The little shoplifting pixie is downgraded in my most loved famous girl list due to her liking of U2.
The Coral are in New York, which of course means they get photographed in black and white. Sorry, it looks great with The Strokes, but when you're six scousers in ill fitting clothes, it doesn't quite have the same effect.
The Streets, and isn't Mike Skinner a nice lad? Everyone's got a mate like him, and it's nice to see someone like that in the NME.
Album reviews...I really don't get System Of A Down. I heard their last album, and it just makes me laugh. 7. Snoop Dogg gets and 8. Computer games now have their own soundtrack. Grand Theft Auto: Vice City has 7 different CDs of all different kinds of '80s music, and sounds a bit rubbish really, but gets 10.
Single Of The Week is the really quite rubbish Ja Rule. Elton John and Blue, Gareth Gates, The Cheeky Girls and David Gray are a load of shite.
Live Reviews...LCD Soundsystem are still great. Glassjaw aren't very good, but get a positive review. Nickleback were shit in Newcastle (I hope a certain friend of mine is reading this). Ms Dynamite is still NME approved. Avril Lavigne is the devil.
That "take pictures with your phone sponsored by Vodafone" section isn't looking too good, is it? The letters aren't very interesting this week.
Next week, all us lucky indie kids get posters, including Liam and Kelly ones! Yay!

2002-12-10T13:41:00.000Z

DID YOU MISS ME?
Ok, I'm sorry. I have been so busy this week, I still haven't done the NME thing. I'll tell you all what I was busy with later, and I promise I'll sit and go through the NME and give you my thoughts on it this afternoon. Still love me? Good.
Oh yeah, and who said United wouldn't win the league this season?
I just had an idea that might make me update things on here more often. I'll do a 12 days of Christmas thing, with stuff I don't like much about it. I'm not really a very festive person. I bet you think I'm a right miserable sod. I'm happy sometimes! Promise!
Anyways, the NME review will be up on this little bundle of internet joy later this afternoon. xx

2002-12-05T00:09:00.000Z

RANDOM STUFF
I have had "God Only Knows" by the Beach Boys in my head all day. Which is very pleasurable indeed.
The other day, I went to Oxfam and they were selling books for 20p. I got "Shots From The Hip" by ex-NME journo Charles Shaar Murray, "The Fall And Rise Of Reginald Perrin" by David Nobbs (in case you didn't know, that's what I ripped this blog title off of), "Bonjour Tristesse" by Francoise Sagan (which I read only a few months ago, but you can't say no to 20p can you?), and "Nobody's Perfect, Charlie Brown" by Charles Schulz. Charlie Brown comics are fast becoming my favourite thing in the world. Oh how I love charity shops.
The video for "Danger! High Voltage" by Electric 6 was just on MTV2. That's pretty fucked up, but what a cracking song.
Oh god, David Gray's on Channel 4. Keep that shit away from my ears.
Ya know, I just realised I haven't mentioned the Liverpool game once. I always said he'd come good. D-I-E-G-O.
I really should get round to doing The Face review.
I got a parka last Friday. A proper one mind, from an army shop. Not one of these rip offs from Top Man. It's all the way from Virginia apparently.
Does anyone know why sometimes suddenly, when I go to correct a typing error, it starts writing over everything? So annoying.
In a blatent attempt to get more hits, I will now type David Beckham Rumours Popbitch. But really, if you don't know what it is by now, you never will. Ahh Popbitch. It was good while it lasted. Now it's just kinda like Popbitch Has EatenItself, shit itself out, picked itself up off the tabloid floor and gulped it down again. It was even on Liquid News the other night.
I'm gonna go to bed and watch Primal Fear with the ace Edward Norton.
Ciao for now.
xx

2002-12-04T23:46:00.000Z

I'M LATE, I'M LATE, FOR A VERY IMPORTANT DATE (again)
NME review tomorrow.

2002-12-01T21:13:00.000Z

nick oliveri gay
Whoever got here by searching for the above phrase, you are welcome back anytime. You just gave me quite a good laugh.

2002-11-28T22:43:00.000Z

DO YOU REALIZE??
...that you lovely lovely people have no way of contacting me! stretty@hotmail.com. Do e-mail me. Please! Tell me what you think about the magazine reviews. Do you agree? Disagree? Couldn't care less? Any ideas about what I could do on this thing? I welcome any input.
Care to tell me about those rumours? You know the ones.
On a totally unrelated point, what are your thoughts on News At 10?
I'm not obvious at all, oh no.

2002-11-28T20:01:00.000Z

PUBLIC NME #1
(Due to techincal difficulties, the NME review is behind schedule. Sorry.)
The NME's in a bag again. This is because it's Bring It On time, and as an extra special treat you lucky lucky people get a Chain With No Name advent calender. Except the drawings are a bit rubbish.
Bring It On gives us The Datsuns, Pretty Girls Make Graves, the rather splendid Thrills, Glassjaw, The Kills, Kinesis, The Rapture, 24 hours on tour with Bright Eyes, and a gig crawl with some readers, which features another picture of Pete Libertine in his skirt.As well as fan meetings with The (International) Noise Conspiracy.
Those nice Black Rebel Motorcycle Club boys are on the cover this week, looking all mean and moody. Horrid shirt you've got on there though Peter.
News... and it's the lovely Kelly. Good job she's had her hair cut since these pictures though, cos she's got some mangled bowlhead going on here. It's a story about how she's fighting her record label about her album and stuff. Not very interesting really. At Kelly's debut gig, the support act are called The Sexy Magazines, which sounds good to me.
Eminem's been getting lots of movie offers. He's the James Dean of rap, ya know. Someone's been shot at a showing of his film, this time it was a guy in the movie, and he was shot on the actual 8 mile.
G-Man from So Solid Crew has been arrested for possesion of a gun. Ms Dynamite played a secret gig. Stupid stories about Twiggy Ramirez from Marilyn Manson joining Blur, and the ex-Guns n Roses members forming a band with Courtney Love. The Vines' new album might be out next week. Jam Master Jay's family are pissed off about the rumours of his killing being a drug deal gone wrong. NME gets You Cocked by Mark Greaney from JJ72. Turn the page, and what do we see here?? I believe it's a picture of the newly shorn head of Fabrizio Morretti, as predicted by your friendly neighbourhood Liberteen in the last NME review. Reports that the newly recruited ex-Daily Star gossip columnist will attempt to "dumb up" the NME's news coverage are entirely unfounded. Starsailor will play a "hometown" charity gig (funny, I thought they were from Wigan). Idlewild have a new bassist and guitarist. On and on and on and on go the NME about Kurt's diaries, this time asking what musicians think; Henry Rollins hates Courtney, Wayne Coyne thought it would be published on the net anyway, Roddy Woomble speaks for pretty much everyone I reckon, and Steve Lamacq talks about his time at the NME, and is a split second away from launching into his Richey Manic/4 real story. Fischerspooner were on Top Of The Pops last week with Kylie. You can win a Free Winona t-shirt. Misprinted news story has me checking the bag for free badges, before realising that it's obviously for next week; please Mr NME, would you put The Strokes, White Stripes and Libertines badges in the same bag for me? cos I don't really want an NME or You Cock one. There's a Robbie Williams snoozefest spread over 2 pages. Ya know, it'd been doing my head in why matey boy from Coldplay had "B.H." on his hand, but finally the NME answered my prayers! It's the initials of his mate, whose birthday it was! Phew! I've spent many sleepless nights trying to figure out what it meant, and now I know. Feeder played a small gig and talked about Jon Lee's suicide. Suge Knight's Tha Row office was raided by police. Scary old Mick Jones and Joe Strummer played Clash songs for the firefighters. Ryan Adams has made a hardcore rock album with his mate as "The Finger", but it isn't really Ryan Adams, cos he might get in trouble, so hush don't tell anyone. Billy Corgan's new band Zwan have got a record deal. Men from System Of A Down and Audioslave have formed anti-George Bush/pro-helping abused children thing. Tim Burgess continues to wear the best t-shirts in the world, and is "isolated" in LA. The Manics played a new song at their homecoming gig. New Band News introduces us to Pretty Girls Make Graves.
Tubby guy from Sum 41 does the Burn It! CD, and it's bloody awful.
Moving swiftly on, and...oh dear, there's that indie cock again! That chin seems suspiciously Chris Martin-ish. But would he wear a leather jacket like that? Hmm, the plot thickens. Face revealed next week.
Cranebuilders are another "Hot New Band". I don't know who this is, and they're scouse. But...apparently they sound like "The Velvet Underground, David Bowie, Joy Division and The Smiths", which can do no harm whatsoever.
Ryan Adams...is he a tosser? Or alright really? Hmm, I dunno. Not read the article yet either. Well I have other things to do! Like write this for you ungrateful people!
James Murphy (LCD Soundsystem) is a good man. "Who doesn't love to dance?" A guy after my own heart.
Article on violence at gigs that could be good but is crammed into half a page. By the way, Guns N Roses played Leeds on the Friday, the rioting was on the Sunday, so there isn't really much of a link there. Arseholes at gigs are the most annoying thing in the world, especially the dicks who throw pints. Stop bullying people, grow up and get a fucking LIFE!!!
Here's BRMC! I love this band, because that's what I wanna do when I grow up. Wear black, act moody, live with my mates and make fuckin' ace records! Good article, if annoying cos they talk about the new album when it won't be out for ages yet.
Album reviews...I know I shouldn't like Ladytron, but they're good dammit! 8. Audioslave are predictably rubbish, 4. Ja Rule also isn't up to much, with a 6. Darius is a load of toss, though perhaps harshly gets 0. Wait, this is Darius, so it's a fully deserved 0. The Hellacoptors inspired The Datsuns, unsurprisingly (on a related note, apparently Ver Datsuns sent a demo to Twisted Nerve last year, and "it was shit"). 7. Blazin' Squad do NOT deserve a 6. Give them 0 for God's sake!
Single Of The Week is Eminem, with the best song he's done. Ms Dynamite, Solomon Burke and the fantastic looking Star Spangles are all good. Robbie Williams, Blur and Chumbwamba are shit.
Live reviews...Doves are great. The Rapture do "Louie Louie", and are ace. So are Ladytron, but I wouldn't go see them live. The Basement played a gig, but I only mention this because it was at The Winter Gardens.
The Works asks "how do I form a band?". Apparently, you get some mates and write some songs! And here's me thinking you go to some kind of audition!
Thrills is here for our entertainment.
In NMEmail, people are predictably annoyed about the top 100 singles list. There's a picture of Pete Libertine in the "Picture This" section, which almost redeems it. Almost.
Next week we get badges! Woo hoo!

2002-11-26T18:08:00.000Z

NME OF THE STATE
This week's NME is in a big, bright orange bag, which is quite hideous, but it's to hold a CD in, which is quite ace. The Libertines, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Beatings, Von Bondies, BRMC, The Thrills, The D4. God, pretty much every band on this is fantastic (not including The Music or Cooper Temple Clause, of course). The sleeve notes are a bit over-excited though. Yeah, the bands are great, but is it all really a "revolution"? After all, it's getting on two years since The Strokes first showed up, and "our" music doesn't seem to have made such a huge impact. (read more about this kinda thing in this article.)
After you get the package open and unattach the sticky bit from your fingers, you'll find Dave Grohl with his face chopped in half. One side's evil, one side's good, and his face doesn't match up properly. Pink's trying to crawl into his ear too, and Karen O still manages to get away with not looking that good but still being a sex symbol.
A guide to the free CD is on the third page. If you're impressed by this little collection, I'd recommend the other free one with the new X-Ray magazine. I did a review of that too, but my computer packed in when I was halfway through, and I couldn't be arsed starting over again.
News...Eminem won some awards at the MTV Europe Awards and flashed his arse, Moby sucked up and wished him luck, Robbie Williams told NME to "fuck off", nothing else happened really. You can win an NME New Rock Revolution t-shirt, or buy one from nme.com. The new Blur single sounds a bit shit, surprise surprise. Picture of that Sophie Ellis Bextor anti-fur advert. The Datsuns, The Polyphonic Spree, Interpol and The Thrills are the acts on next year's annual NME awards tour, which sounds pretty damn cool. Axl Rose is a tosser again, and didn't turn up for the first night of Guns N' Roses North American tour, so fans rioted. But it wasn't his fault, oh no. Someone was arrested at a screening of the new Eminem film for having a gun. There's now a reward of $250,000 for information on Jam Master Jay's murder. Pink says she wants to shoot the Nigerian president, because of the stoning of the woman/Miss World controversy. Fab Strokes has done a drawing for a Broken Wrist Project art book, which is a really really really old story, and I mean months and months (by the way, Fab's fabulous hair is no more! It'll be in the NME next week, I betcha! Don't believe me? Just lookie here). Liam and Noel have fallen out again, and haven't talked for ages. Wayne Flaming Lips said he got punched by Beck, but he didn't really. Kurt Cobain won the reader voted non-NME list coolest people thing. In more Kurt news, lots of Nirvana fans took offence to the Journals being published. Ryan Adams wants Doves to be his backing band. Ex-RATM and current Audioslave man doesn't like George Bush. NME get mentioned once in this "Live Forever" Britpop documentary, and obviously hype it up so it sounds like they have a starring role.
The Go are the "Hot New Band" (this corner of the NME bears the faint whiff of Melody Maker). They sound alright though, and Jack White used to play with them.
Interpol "Burn It!", and a jolly good job they do too. Ladytron, Primal Scream and the legend that is Nick Cave claim their places. It isn't up to last week's Pete Libertine standards though.
ARGH! There is a picture of someone's dick on the gossip page. It says "Your Cock" (geddit??), and apparently it's an indie celebrity. They'll reveal more of the picture every week until the owner steps forward. I can hardly wait.
Another "Hot New Band" (Melody Maker senses tingling!), My Morning Jacket. "We're not very cool guys". Ya don't say.
The D4 have a percentage rating system for their gigs. "If we did play 100%, that would involve death". What percentage does it take for hair loss? Because that Jimmy Christmas fella's hair line seems to be receding fast. Cracking tune they've got though, even though they seem to have stretched it out over an album.
Dave Grohl continues to be the nicest man on Planet Rock. Nice interview, nice man, nice band, who occasionally, in the immortal words of J. Casablancas, rock your fucking balls off!!!
Radio 4 don't look very cool, but they sound ace! Their "Dance To The Underground" single is great. There's a little guide to these punk-funk bands around at the moment too. It's about time us indie kids who like a dance had some new tunes to groove along to. If only they learned that down our local indie disco.
Yeah Yeah Yeahs continue to be fantastic. You have to feel sorry for Karen O though, being forced to talk about sex with the hippocrocomoose that is Mark Beaumont (only jokin' Mark!).
Reviews...Jay-Z releases yet another album, and gets 8. Pulp's "Hits" is predictably ace, and is 9. Sum 41 get more than they deserve with a 7. Atari Teenage Riot's raraties collection is 8.
LCD Soundsystem is Single Of The Week. Paul Weller, The Go and The D4's records are all good; Liberty X, Nickelback and Atomic Kitten aren't.
Live reviews, and Pink contines to become some how quite good actually. Well, I'm not really into her records that much, but she seems like a nice girl, and enjoys what she's doing. Burning Brides are NME approved, and The Warlocks sound bloody ace! Sugababes still hate each other. And Steve Sutherland thinks he's in with female Strokes fans just because he went to see The Rolling Stones the night before a Strokes gig.
Thrills has returned. I only mention this because there's a picture of The Strokes.
Instead of the texting bit in NMEmail, you can now send pictures with your snazzy photo taking phone. What a silly idea. I don't expect this to last long. There's a picture of some guy with Simon from Suede. Whoopie doo. And one of Steve Albini, who to be honest, I wouldn't recognise if I fell over him while he was wearing a big sign round his neck saying "Hi! I'm Steve Albini! Take pictures of me with your mobile phone and send them to the new NME section sponsored by Vodafone!"
Next week BRMC are on the cover, but it'll have to be good to top this week's paper. Good bands, good interviews, and a great CD. Keep it up NME people!

2002-11-26T16:29:00.000Z

BACK IN THE B.L.O.G.G.E.R
So my computer went mental over the weekend, hence why the paper reviews, or indeed anything else, haven't appeared. I will try to get it done now. If I still have anyone coming back who'd like to read it, then I'm really sorry it took so long. Thanks for your patience with me. xx

2002-11-22T00:13:00.000Z

I'M A LOSER BABY...
Ok, I know. I'm rubbish. I've had so much work to do, I haven't had chance to even start writing about the NME. Actually, I've been wondering why I even bother. I mean, does anyone really care what I say about it? I'm just some teenage loser boy. I dunno, I'll do it tomorrow but I dunno what I'm gonna do about this in the future. I just can't get the energy to write about anything. Anyway, I hope you do bear with me because I think I can actually write quite well, even though you wouldn't think it to read most of the stuff I put on here. God, I'm rambling. I will try as hard as I can to get it done tomorrow, as well as doing The Face review at some point over the weekend. xx

2002-11-21T17:15:00.000Z

CH-CH-CH-CH-CHANGES
To your left, you should observe (if blogger is working properly) a list of records that are currently on the heaviest rotation in the stereo at Liberteen Heights. Scroll your ass further down and there should be links to most of the sites in my favourites. I hope it worked, but I'm not really sure yet. Hope you enjoy.

2002-11-20T21:00:00.000Z

OOPS I DID IT AGAIN...
So for the second week running, the much heralded, world famous Liberteen NME review will be a day late. I'm super busy and stuff. Sorry sorry sorry. And I haven't even put any new posts since last week. Slapped wrist. Must try harder. Please come back tomorrow! I'll love you forever if you do! Anyway, see you then. Bye bye.

2002-11-14T15:21:00.000Z

WHO NEEDS NMES...
I got fed up with the old title for the NME review here on Fall and Rise..., so I'm gonna try and think of new ones.
The Strokes are on the cover of this week's NME! Which is a lovely surprise. That makes it about 7 NME covers by my reckoning, 8 if you count the Christmas cover from last year. All are clutching the obligatory fag or drink that are needed for every Strokes photoshoot. The top 100 singles ever chart is in this week too.
News...Eminem's film is a big hit in America. Umm, not much of a story here. Everyone knew it would be. The NME tells you what the story's all about. Apparently "in one scene Jimmy (Eminem) defends a gay co-worker from a tirade of verbal abuse", which will no doubt be used for the rest of his career to justify his homophobia now that the "it's not me, it's a character" argument has worn off. The fact is, he's homophobic. Now I'm sure he wouldn't go out and beat up anyone because they were gay, but if he was sat at home with his mates I've no doubt he'd say some homophobic things, which sadly (from my personal experience) most people do. He's not evil, he's just the kind of bloke who'd call me a "puff".
Oh. Here's The Strokes. So the front cover doesn't have an interview or anything to accompany it, NME just went backstage at an LA gig. Still, any excuse for new pictures of the boys is fine with me. Julian's still on crutches. I mean really, you can't have hurt your leg that much. Fab's wearing that denim top again, and I'm sure Nikolai hasn't changed his clothes for more than a year. Nick isn't scruffy enough anymore, and he's still with Amanda The Cabinet which is a shame. Still, if it makes him happy. In other Strokes relationship news, apparently Kelly Osbourne snogged our Fab once. Good work Fabrizio! See, he's miles better than that ugly guy she's going out with now. Anyway, good reporting and good pictures and lotsa Stroke-y goodness!
"Hip-hop unites in memory of Jam Master Jay". Lots of rappers have given money to Jay's family, and there's a $50,000 reward for information which leads to an arrest. The funeral sounds like it was done quite well, and just staying on the right side of being over-sentimental and cringeworthy. Another rapper, 50 Cent, is said to be in danger. Somewhat spookily, he was in The Face this month, where the short article spoke of how much danger he was in. All this talk of "mentors" sending their "proteges" to attack others always kinda reminds me of Star Wars too. But maybe I'm just mad.
Robbie Williams is gonna play Knebworth; erm, you're a bit behind there mate. Lithium was voted the best Nirvana song on nme.com, it's isn't by the way. Ryan Adams has had a go at Jack White, but what would The Strokes make of this?? It's like a big alternative love triangle of friendship and fights! Or something. Fran Healy wants to help an NME photographer 'cos he's bored of being in a band, poor lamb. Pink's used the oh so original idea of putting pictures of dead rock stars in her backstage show. Sharon Osboune wants to host a chat show. Picture of The Libertines with Morrissey; too much greatness in that picture. HAHA!! Someone actually entered the Cooper Temple Clause haircut competition! Actually, I think he used to look like one of the Datsuns, and now he just looks a bit boring and not that Cooper Temple-ish, he's just got a bit of blond in his hair; Mark Beaumont, who always had a really really awful haircut, had his done too, but it still looks shit. Jackass film is dead big in America. Hmmm, slow news week. Moby doesn't want people to eat turkeys at Thanksgiving. Missy Elliot's giving away a million dollars on a lottery on her website. A nothing story about The White Stripes' new album, telling us what we already knew, presumably so they can put another one of those new pictures in. Craig Nicholls met Matt Bellamy from Muse; I saw him really close up next to the signing tent at Leeds a couple of years ago, right little weedy shit.
They've got rid of the "On" section at NME towers, and replaced it with a little "New band news" bit. I suppose that makes it better, but now only one band gets featured. Still, I didn't really read "On" that much. They have little write ups about the bands in the "What's on the NME stereo?" thing now, which is quite nice. Am I the only person who misses "Banging On..."??
Pete Libertine does the Burn It! CD, and it's one of the best selections I've seen. Billie Holiday, The Smiths, Sex Pistols, Small Faces and The Stooges. What a star.
More Libertines on the gossip page, with pictures from the album launch. Photos from Kelly Osbourne's new video too, but she seems to be losing weight, which is a shame. Someone saw The Libertines crowdsurfing at The Vines' gig in Nottingham. Bloody hell, have they been mentioned on every page now?
Why has the NME turned on our Jarvis?? He's as lovely and funny as ever, of course. His mum comes in and calls him "duck" too. Bless.
Burning Brides are another new band who look pretty good. No idea what they sound like. Still, they've got a girl in, and girls in bands make them a million times better.
Tenacious D. Jack Black's mostly ace in films, but this can only end in embarassment. Their song's been number one on the Kerrang! channel for seemingly the last year, and it's not even that funny the first time you see it.
100 greatest singles. Here's the top 10:
1. Joy Division - 'Love Will Tear Us Apart'
2. Nirvana - 'Smells Like Teen Spirit'
3. The Sex Pistols - 'Anarchy In The UK'
4. The Rolling Stones - 'Paint It, Black'
5. David Bowie - ''Heroes''
6. The Stone Roses - 'Fools Gold'
7. The Smiths - 'This Charming Man'
8. Oasis - 'Live Forever'
9. The Clash - 'London Calling'
10. Massive Attack - 'Unfinished Sympathy'
Can't really argue with the number one, but "Paint It, Black" at 4? "Unfinished Sympathy" top 10, one place above "Going Underground"? "Born Slippy" is 16, two places above "Superstition" and 4 above "Blue Monday". No way should "Yellow" and "Stan" be higher than "Last Nite", "There She Goes" or "My Generation". And "Get Free" five places higher than "Son Of A Preacher Man"? Another list that's a bit silly, but still makes you think, and is well set out and reported.
Reviews...and they've got rid of the pictures of the NME writers. Missy Elliot is still NME approved - 8. Robbie Williams is still shit - 3. The soundtrack to the new Eminem film is apparently quite good, it's a 7. The other releases aren't that interesting. The band of the guy going out with Kelly Osbourne is as shit as he looks.
Single of the Week is "United States Of Whatever" by Liam Lynch. The novelty does wear off after a while. It should be "Dance To The Underground" by Radio 4, because that's an ace song. I wish people would stop going on about The Music; they make records for Stereophonics fans to dance to. A are rubbish too.
Live reviews...and that nice Conor Oberst boy is certainly getting quite a bit of press recently. His Bright Eyes and Desaparecidos acts get the main review, and it's very favourable. The Datsuns/Dirtbombs/Von Bondies/The Kills/Electric 6/Rock And Roll Machine played a New Garage Rock fantasy gig in New York. This gets promoted on the front cover, yet the review only takes up about 9 lines, with the rest of the space being given over to pictures. Another fantasy line up, The Flaming Lips and Beck, sadly appears to have been ruined by Beck doing a Nick Drake instead of a Prince. He's still fantastic though. Where were these two in the top 100 singles?? Electric Soft Parade are, ya know, alright.
Thrills has gone again. It's beyond a joke now, it really is.
People who say stuff like "it's just about the music" and "look aren't important" really annoy me. They're talking bollocks. It's all about image. If The Strokes were five fat, ugly blokes from Norwich, they'd be nowhere near as fantastic. Stephen Dalton's answer to some snobbish guy's letter is great, especially the bit about "alternative hardcore" bands from the '80s. Still, as somebody's text points out, "does it really cost £100 to look like Dave Hill out of Slade?". And with that thought, NME fans, I will bid you farewell.

2002-11-13T17:30:00.000Z

I'LL READ THE NEWS TOMORROW...
Ok, I've been dead busy today and I'm about to go to the game, so I haven't had chance to write the NME review thing. I'm mega sorry to anyone who wanted to read it! I promise I'll do it tomorrow and it'll all be great and ace and funny and probably wrong but I don't care cos I think I'm right (though I often have my doubts). If you do wanna read a different NME review then go see the lovely folk at No Rock&Roll Fun. They're cleverer than me. See you tomorrow! Byeeeee! xx

2002-11-09T15:08:00.000Z

CITY
Manchester City. Manchester fucking City. That wasn't supposed to happen.

2002-11-06T16:55:00.000Z

I READ THE NEWS TODAY...
So here we are. NME time again. Don't the weeks go fast?
It's Nirvana week at the NME, which means they have stuff on nme.com and a special issue of the paper. Kurt looks all moody in black and white. Which, ya know, makes a change.
First page of news isn't actually news, it's just sort of an introduction to the Nirvana stuff. There's a little biography thing written by Kurt, or "Kurdt". Does Kurdt rhyme with turd? Apparently, Nirvana have never jammed on "Louie Louie". Which is a shame. I'd love to hear Kurt doing the "WOOOAAAHHHH" bit.
Next page has news. And it's all about the Oxfam gig, where Coldplay duetted with Ms Dynamite (which looked rubbish when they showed it on CD:UK) and Noel Gallagher. Noelly G did "Married With Children" in his solo set, which is a nice change.
More on the Missy Elliot vs The Queen business with the jewellers, with a picture of the offending advert. Why isn't it "in the greatest of taste"?? I fucking hate the royal family. Death In Vegas are releasing the song they did with Liam, which I heard on Mark and Lard the other day and quite liked. Police have issued a description of the man they think shot Jam Master Jay. Foo Fighters dressed up as The Hives on Halloween and did "Hate To Say I Told You So". Robbie Williams has had another dig at Nicole Appleton (boooooring). Scary picture of Liam in lingerie; Victoria's Secret are using "Hung In A Bad Place" in American adverts. News/tribute to Jam Master Jay, which is handled well. KLF's Bill Drummond is protesting against the war by not saying anything for a day and using little cards with things written on, which I'd quite like to try actually, and one of the NME's "yacks" does (I think they must mean "hack", cos he doesn't look like one of those sheep things). Pete and Carl from The Libertines are gonna be the people who choose the band name from that competition a couple weeks back, which doesn't sound like a safe bet to me. The Music are starting work on their new album, except they won't finish it yet cos they're going on tour, which makes it a pointless story. You can win a tape of some songs Graham Coxon did on the radio, and he's doodled the artwork himself, although if you already taped it you might as well do a scribble on a piece of paper and write "Coxon" then stick that on the front. Someone's gonna make a movie about Ozzy apparently, and the mocked up picture of Kelly O being played by Winona Ryder manages to slightly ruin my crushes on both of them. The Streets takes the piss out of Damon Albarn a bit, which makes me warm to him. Johnny Knoxville is to star in a film about Gram Parsons. The Hives played backing band for Iggy Pop and they did some Stooges songs, which sounds alright (although that's probably a wet dream for someone I know). Josh Homme is gonna be on the new UNKLE album. Jarvis is pictured onstage with The Polyphonic Spree, which is good, but not as cool as the sight of Queens Of The Stone Age wearing robes would have been. Thom Yorke played a solo gig at a Neil Young benefit show thing. Linkin Park are releasing their new album next year. And I don't care.
Brendan Benson does Burn It! Elvis Costello, Swervedriver (who surely, with all this recent publicity, will get their own Nirvana style special in the next few weeks) and one of my personal fave songs, "Stand And Deliver" by Adam And The Ants are all chosen.
In the gossip bit, someone saw Pete Libertine stumbling out of a gig "dressed in only his leather jacket and boxer shorts". Lucky bastard. I mean, if that's your thing and stuff. Let's move on...
The Thrills carry on the proud On tradition of only featuring bands wearing Converse All Stars. And Liam Lynch is the bloke who does that "United States Of Whatever" song. You know, the one that goes "I went to the shops and bought some cheese and the lady at the till asked for some money and I was like....whatever DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR". Yeah, that one.
And here's the NME Nirvana Special bit. Dave Grohl talks a little bit. He's a nice lad, isn't he? Bless him.
Then there's an article about the band. "There's so much more to Nirvana than the morbid death cult surrounding their singer" says the sub-heading. Which is why you put such a cheery cover on the paper this week, right? Not dwelling on the "morbid death cult" at all, oh no. Actually, to be fair, the article's very good. Well done John Mulvey. There's a nice picture of the band, with Kurt wearing Converse and eye liner and looking absolutely ace.
Some music people talk about Nirvana. The Queens Of The Stone Age lads have a pop at Courtney, while BRMC are nice about her.
Steve Sutherland starts his Kurt's Journals piece by talking about Mike Tyson, for some reason. Still, it's another good article. Good work NME, you're doing well here. There's some pictures of various diary pages, including the band's top 50 fave albums.
Posters of the hand written lyrics for "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and the NME cover from after Kurt killed himself, which I already have on my wall and features my birthday. Remember that. You can buy me a present.
There's a sort of reference thing with loads of bands and people and stuff who get mentioned in the journals. I'd be interested to see the context in which Sam Fox and Leo Sayer appear.
The Nirvana Special ends with John Robinson telling us about the other people somehow involved in Kurt's life. It serves it's purpose.
Here's the album reviews. Craig David gets an 8. Pearl Jam also get an 8. I'm not interested in either of these albums. Ah, The Stone Roses. That's more like it. 10 outta 10. Spot on. Roni Size (remember him?) gets 9. Rubbish Groove Armada get 3. Gordon Raphael (he's The Stroke's producer) has done a compilation album, but the Casablancas magic obviously hasn't rubbed off and he only earns a 5. Johnny Cash seemingly keeps making ace music, his new one's an 8. Romeo out of So Solid Crew gets 5.
Single of the Week is The Thrills. Haven't actually heard them yet, but I'll make a bit of an effort. Kylie's new single sounds like all her other "Can't Get You Out Of My Head" songs, which isn't a bad thing. Might buy that Bright Eyes single, or the album. That funky little Nu song gets a good write up, and rightfully so. Christina Aguilera's rubbish song gets a half decent review. And, as much as I hate to admit it, that Tenacious D song is actually quite amusing to me.
Live reviews. The Vines on the NME tour. They're ace. We know. Ryan Adams seems to be trying to steal the word "shambolic" from Badly Drawn Boy. Hundred Reasons are dull, so are Longwave. I already know this cos I saw the former at Leeds Festival and the later supporting The Strokes.
Still no bands I wanna see much in the gig adverts.
Gordon Raphael talks about producing The Strokes in the bit I never read, what with me being quite lacking in musical skill. Ooooh, and don't you just love Holly Hernandez? She's too sexy to be squeezed in that little space in the bottom of the boring bit.
Thrills is here again. Who knows how long it'll stay.
NMEmail. Someone actually agreed with the cool list. Another pro-Libertines letter too. Not really interested in the others.
Next week's issue has the 100 greatest singles of all time. Which means that'll be three weeks in a row the NME has had no cover story/interview. It really is a bit of a slow period, isn't it?
Good issue this week. Well done NME. See, you can be quite good when you put your mind to it!

2002-11-04T16:35:00.000Z

DOHERTY AND TV
Did you see Jools Holland? Sandwiched in between the scarily old Peter Gabriel, the boring Groove Armada and James Dean Bradfield was everyone's favourite chunks of leather clad drug using puppy fat, The Libertines! They had them mad girls from the Up The Bracket video dancing about in the background, and charged through the Peter led title track, and Carl's sleazy but charming Boys In The Band. It was ace. Jools had a chat with Mick Jones (ex-Clash and The Libertines' producer) too. Some pictures from backstage at the show can be found here.
In a related point, the site those pictures of from, The Modern Age, is absolutely great. Lots of wholesome Strokes related goodness. We *heart* Kat! Oh, I just checked. She's going on holiday tomorrow, so the ace news section will be a bit slow. But go look anyway. Have a nice flight Kat! And enjoy The Vines!

2002-11-04T16:17:00.000Z

GOOD VIBRATIONS
We all love flip flop flyin. Have a look. It's pretty. I think you'll like it.

2002-10-31T17:06:00.000Z

HORROR SHOW
So tonight's the night then. When all the little urchins come knocking on your door begging for sweets. I know that they won't be getting anything from my house, oh no! Go buy your own sweets, ya little scrubbers! But if you aren't a miserable sod like me, and are in the mood for some festivities, then take a look at New York's finest being all cute in Halloween outfits and stuff.

2002-10-31T16:47:00.000Z

PAPERBACK WRITER (well, notebook actually)
You may, or most probably may not, be interested to know that I have recently started my own book in tandem with this website. It has the same name and everything! I plan on it being a lot more personal than this blog, but you never know, one day it might be published! Though the chances of that happening are as distant as the chance of The Streets being one of the five coolest people in music. Oh, hang on a second...

2002-10-31T16:35:00.000Z

NO PUNS OR ANYTHING HERE
Sad news about Run DMC's Jam Master Jay being killed. I saw them at Leeds Festival last year, and while I'm not the biggest fan of their music, they were still good. It's an obvious and stupid thing to say, but it's always sad when someone like this dies. Our thoughts and everything are with the families and all that stuff people normally say.

2002-10-30T17:40:00.000Z

I READ THE NEWS TODAY...
This week's NME has a lovely picture of the White Stripes on the cover, looking, as ever, like Pilsbury dough people. It's all very cool, saying only "The Cool List 2002". But Jack's rubbish jacket ruins it all. Really, it's horrible. I was watching "Taxi" earlier today, and that's the kind of jacket Tony Danza would wear. The whole idea of this issue is a bit daft, and they're clearly padding at the moment before all the Christmas gubbins.
News...and it's yet more about this NME tour with The Vines. It started in Birmingham the other night, and it was your normal Vines gig apparently (Craig's acts a bit mad, trashes everything at the end). We're told Craig "sported longer hair than usual". Which is nice.
The Astoria in London hasn't got it's licence, which is a shame. Little picture and story about Pete from The Libertines wearing a skirt (you can see a picture here), and how lovely he looks too, though I doubt the security guards were that "edgy-looking" because of the NME's Libertine stories. Police apparently getting close to catching Leeds riot people. John Squire is making his live comeback, and the NME's sponsoring it or something. Kurt's diaries might be best selling rock book ever, but it might not cos it's not been released yet has it? Phil Spector's producing the next Vines album. Oasis play festival in Australia with The Streets and Morrissey, and Noel apologises for them being messed up 4 years ago. In more Australian news, Kelly Osbourne looks set to be shot, sorry, "questioned" for having a Bacardi Breezer a few weeks before she was 18, kinda reminds me of that Simpsons episode where Bart's supposed to get a kicked by the giant boot. Henry Rollins has had a go at Courtney Love over the whole Kurt thing. Remaining Blur dullards going to Devon to finish album. NME asks if the White Stripes are cool anymore (before the cool list even appears) cos they were on Saturday Night Live, which has a different presenter each week, when it was hosted by some Republican bloke. Oasis and Red Hot Chili Peppers cancel gigs in southeast Asia because of Bali bomb (wouldn't it be more useful for the Australian police to look into this instead of Kelly Osbourne having a Bacardi?) Charlatans deny they're splitting, but then they would wouldn't they? More Rollins news, he's doing an album of Black Flag covers with Ryan Adams, Iggy Pop and other people for three lads jailed for murder because, erm, they listened to heavy metal. The ace Beck and the ace Flaming Lips are doing an ace tour together. Fans stabbed at Queens of the Stone Age gig, placed much further back than last week's Nelly stabbing story, no-one was killed but read into that what you will. Ryan Adams produces an album for the landlord at his favourite pub. Badly Drawn Boy gets a "Bad Monkey Bad" in a Jarvis style for doing what he does at every gig, which is ramble a bit and play the songs wrong. Chris Martin and Tim Wheeler took over the Evening Session and Darius rang up, in the picture they seem to be having a "Stupidest Chin" contest with Lamacq. Wow, the Aussies have got a lot of coverage in the news this week, here's a little story about You Am I recycled from a few weeks ago in The Vines issue. Radiohead and REM for Glastonbury next year, I won't be going to that then. Hives go to Iceland and wear slightly different ties. That was the news.
Singer from The Pattern does Burn It! The Band, Grateful Dead and the fantastic Love all feature.
Jack Osbourne and Jack Black go to Jackass premiere with, erm, Fred Durst. Who isn't called Jack. Marilyn Manson dresses as a Nazi with a mullet and meets Hugh Hefner.
On bands are The Sights (from Detroit, the hat wearing singer looks like Chris Moyles without the beard. Don't they know you're not allowed ugly singers in the day and age??) and The Rain Band (from Manchester, they recieve the expected comparisons every band from the North West seems to get).
Oh, and here's a filler article which claims The Stone Roses are the coolest band of all time. Nope, they aren't. Made some great records, one of my personal favourite bands, but coolest ever? Of course not. Still, nice to read about them and see a nice collection of pictures.
And here we arrive at the cool list 2002. I haven't seen the list just yet, but my predictions are: 1-Julian Casablancas. 2-Craig Nicholls. 3-Jack White. It's a top 50. I'll list them all, with my personal opinions.
50-Gwen Stefani. Yeah, she belongs in there. Wears mental clothes, but looks like a pop star.
49-Dr Dre. Don't understand. Has he even done anything recently? Isn't cool at all, just a big bloke in his thirties.
48-Romeo. Nah, not having that. I suppose he's cool to the kids into garage and stuff, but no.
47-Roots Manuva. Yep. I like his records. Dunno if he's cool, but I'll let them have this one. Wish the NME would stop going on about that "cheese on toast" line though.
46-Mark Lanegan. From Screaming Trees and Queens of the Stone Age. He scares me.
45-Liam Gallagher. Now come on, really. Liam should be miles higher. One of my heroes, I'd have him top 3. That picture is fantastic.
44-Jay Z. Hmm. He isn't my idea of cool, but to a lot of people I'd suppose he is.
43-Dave Grohl. Yeah, he's cool. Getting on a bit, but cool.
42-Richard Fearless. I suppose.
41-Richard D James. Not cool at all! Have you seen his hair! You gotta like him though.
40-Dre (the one from Outkast). Funny, I thought it was the other one who had a lap dancing club in the basement.
39-Arthur Lee. Go and buy a Love album, they're amazing.
38-Nick Oliveri. With that beard? No chance.
37-Ryan Adams. Just because you hang about with The Strokes, it doesn't mean you get cool by osmosis.
36-Felix Da Housecat. Cool, if only for the whole trendy electroclash association.
35-Peaches. Scary. But doesn't give a fuck. So they can have that one.
34-Didz. How many times? Cooper Temple Clause are not cool! And that picture is hideous.
33-Alesha Dixon (from Mis-Teeq). Not cool.
32-DJ Hell. Or is it....Boris Becker?!?
31-Robert Harvey. I can't think of a more uncool band. Get out of here, and smarten yourself up sunshine!
30-Serj Tankian. No no no no no no no. Even if you like them, you can't say System of a Down are cool.
29-DJ Rubbish. Never heard of him. Sounds pretty funny though.
28-Carl Barat. That's more like it! He looks mega in that photo. Good old Libertines.
27-Daniel Kessler. Interpol look pretty good in those suits. Not cooler than Carl though.
26-James Murphy. Look like a bit of a fat fella to me.
25-David Holmes. Hmmm. Dunno really.
24-Courtney Love. Excuse me? Courtney Love? Actually, I don't mind her. Don't think she should be so high though.
23-Nick Pankhurst. The Beatings are one of those bands that are too cool. Somewhat stupidly, the NME asks "Do they come any cooler?" Of course they do. There's 22 more people yet!
22-Pharell Williams. As I've said before, I just don't understand.
21-Josh Homme. Yeah, cool. Another good picture.
20-Pink. Yeah, I like her. Not so much the records, but she seems alright and is cool.
19-Albert Hammond jr. Should be top 10. Albert's ace. Probably best dressed of The Strokes. He's not Nick though.
18-Kelly Osbourne. Oh wow. She looks beautiful in that picture. I love her to bits.
17-James Skelly. No way! Along with The Music, The Coral are one of the uncoolest bands there are.
16-Nick Jago. He is very cool. And the write up makes him sound like me. But most of you probably don't know who I am, so never mind.
15-Erol Alkan. Maybe he shouldn't be so high, but he should be in there.
14-Conor Oberst. Here's the Bright Eyes lad again. He's cool.
13-Miss Kitten. Possibly more trendy than cool. Understandable though.
12-VV. I don't know who this is. I've heard of The Kills, but I still don't know. NME says she's cool because she looks like a junkie.
11-Julian Casablancas. Only 11?!? He's the main reason half of the people in this list are there. As I said at the start, should be number 1.
10-Pelle Almqvist. No. Not higher than Julian.
9-Nelly. Now come on, you're just having a laugh now. Would I be a cynical bastard if I thought many of the "Urban" (as they seem to be comically bracketed together) and female artists were put in the list, or moved up, because of the flak the NME took after their very white, very male Top 50 most influential list a few months back?
8-Craig Nicholls. Thought he'd be higher actually. Can't think of many they'd put further up in the list.
7-Marcie Bolan. Very cool. The Von Bondies are another of those almost too cool bands.
6-Meg White. Bless her. Not sixth coolest, but ace all the same.
5-Mike Skinner. ?!?!? No way. I thought the point of The Streets was that he's a normal bloke who does normal stuff. Not cool. Townie.
4-Karen O. Yeah, ok. She's cool. Dunno about fourth though.
3-Dolf De Datsun. Just because his band is the coolest of the moment doesn't make him third. He's a good looking lad, but still has hair that's too long.
2-Fabrizio Moretti. Which seemingly makes him coolest of The Strokes. Fab's great, should be top ten. But not two.
Which means number 1 is.....
Jack White. Erm. No. Not cooler than Julian. Oh well. They're getting the most out of those White Stripe pictures aren't they??
So where was Nick Valensi? And Pete Doherty? And Jarvis was in the uncool top 10. Stupid list.
There's a "How cool are you?" quiz, which is neither useful or funny. And that's it.
Reviews...Badly Drawn Boy gets 8. Might buy it in a few months, after I've bought other albums I want and got some money. Justin Timberlake's debut effort is given 6. Brendan Benson, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, and Bjork's greatest hits all get 9. Sigur Ros act a bit pretentious (no album or song titles) and get 7.
Single of the Week is Queens Of The Stone Age. Good song. Britney gets a bit of a slagging, and in a Stalinist style changing of the past, I will alter my previous opinion, cos I've seen this a few more times on MTV and it does my head in now. Coldplay and Yeah Yeah Yeah get praised, and the Kill City review makes me laugh ("thanks to vocalist Lisa Moorish, Kill City are in a very small sub-genre: records made by people who've slept with Liam Gallagher...better than Appleton's "Fantasy", but nowhere as good as Patsy's "I'm Not Scared").
Live reviews, and more Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Apparently, shock horror!, the NME quite likes them. Fugazi get a good write up, as do The Polyphonic Spree and Brendan Benson. Picture of Peaches scares me a bit.
Thrills is back! Really, what is going on here? Make your mind up NME.
In NMEmail, someone makes similar comments to mine last week regarding the "prize" of a Cooper Temple Clause haircut. And there's a little letter about The Strokes go kart story from a couple of weeks ago, again in a similar vein to what I said. And British Sea Power sound like a bunch of student tossers.
Next week will have Nirvana stuff, which I'm guessing means a retrospective article by the editor that talks about teenage moshers wearing Nirvana hoodies and how grunge died when Kurt shot himself, and a reprinted interview with the band from ten years ago.
That's it. A dull issue really. Lots of pretty pictures, but lacking in content. Like I said at the start, filler issues at the moment before the big Christmas bonanza.

2002-10-29T23:14:00.000Z

ALL APOLOGIES
God, I'm sorry I haven't updated anything for about a week. I've been really ill. Poorly sick in fact. Anyway, I'm dead sorry and I hope, if you have visited before, that you come back again. I'll put up the NME review tomorrow when I get the paper, and since it's that top 50 cool people thing, I think it should be worth reading. Do visit again. I'll love you forever if you do. Promise promise. Off to bed now. Night night. xx

2002-10-23T20:49:00.000Z

I READ THE NEWS TODAY...
Queens Of The Stone Age are here! And they've become monster rock mutants! And are invading the UK! And pulling the "M" in "NME" down a bit! How dare they?!?
Anyway, in case you didn't realise, this is my second NME review. Here is the news:
Page 3 has a big picture of Tim Burgess in a cute little Flying Burrito Brothers t-shirt, and asks if The Charlatans are gonna split. Timothy's off in LA recording "a solo album with a country-rock feel" apparently (ooo-er). It'll be a shame if they do split, because, while I'm not really a big Charlies fan, they seem like nice lads and consitently make good records. Page 4's main story concerns the stabbing at a Nelly gig in California. Is this really that music related though? I mean, people get stabbed at lots of places. It certainly isn't Nelly's fault. Where were the security when this happened? To tell you the truth I don't really know much about this story, so I don't know what happened. Let's go to happier news.
Bald Queen again; Nick Oliveri played a gig in London with his side project solo stuff. Manics playing gig at Brixton Academy. Don't forget! NME Nirvana week starts on November 5th! Lotsa magazine/website type shenanigins. Pictures from the new Nirvana video. The song's had a bit of a slagging (by Nirvana's standards anyway), but I quite like it. I don't think the video's that amazing though. I mean, I was listening to the Unplugged album this afternoon, and my mum said "Does he ever stop moaning? No wonder he killed himself, whinging on like that". Can't have been too hard to get footage of Kurt going "AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH" onstage. More promotion for "1 Love" album. It's been released, just leave it NME! News of Leeds identity poster (see below), with all the pictures seemingly blurred out, dunno why. That story about Ryan Adams kicking someone out of his gig for requesting a Bryan Adams song, except he didn't get kicked out, and kept Ryan Adam's money anyway, cheeky bastard. Oasis have a song on an American telly show soundtrack, which the NME takes to mean that their US career is saved. Public Enemy getting confused about why they won't come to Europe (Chuck, it's cos you're being soft). "Fischerspooner saved by Kylie's arse" (they'll be on Top Of The Pops with her). Idlewild do gig for Oxfam. The Vines don't win Australian best album award, George do. Belle and Sebastian man sells his car on e-bay (what? they exist in a world with t'interweb??). Eminem does secret gig in Michigan, No Doubt do one in Nashville. Fatboy Slim wants to do another Brighton gig next year, us "oop north" turn the page. Basement Jaxx win some Muzik awards, Erol Trash wins "Best Breakthrough DJ" (whatever that means). Missy Elliott's lost some weight, NME takes the piss. Thought you were supposed to be better than that NME? Celine Dion refuses to take on the might of three little blokes from Devon, will now call gigs "Celine Dion: Aphex Twin", or something. Robbie William's album on the net already. Kelly Osbourne called Natalie Imbruglia "a cunt". Bizarrely, you can win a Cooper Temple Clause haircut, like it's something to be proud of. I'd rather not look like Ronnie Wood, thanks all the same. Marilyn Manson doing music for Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Ian Brown releases remix album on same day as Stone Roses best of. Scouse band sells name to new RATM band (this was in the national press like a week ago. Keep up NME!). Xzibit says Eminem film will win Oscars, Madonna's film flops. Again. End of news.
Roots Manuva does Burn It! album. Sounds ok to me.
Ozzy Osbourne's son, with Rod Stewart's daughter. No thanks. Pink (looking very un-Pink) with a skellington. Someone's drawn on her foot.
DJ/rupture is "On". So are Kill City. /rupture is "mysterious", Kill City wear Converse and leather jackets.
The Vines get asked some random questions. Guitarist Ryan says his best mate is "Jesus", which made me smile. Mad Craig says his best mates are Patrick and Ryan from the band, leaving out drummer Hamish, who seems like a lovely bloke. Craig also says twice as much as everyone else, apparently.
Turn the page, and there's some nice pictures of band t-shirts. The pink Datsuns shirt is especially pretty. It's a filler article about band names, and why everyone is "The Something Or Others" (hmmm, now there's a good name). The NME also offers to name your band for you, if you send them a tape and it's good. For God's sake, even Hear'say got to choose their name.
Cave In interview next, but as soon as I read "the band giving prog a good name", I just have to read something else.
And here they are again, the giant fellas from Queens Of The Stone Age, standing on loads of Cockneys no doubt. I'm sorry, but no way is Nick Oliveri "whippet thin". Nick Valensi is whippet thin. Nick Oliveri is big and scary. Let's keep it that way.
The Bandits are more badly dressed scousers who make mad records. I'm sorry to be such a fascist, but when i hear that a band are from Liverpool, it puts me off them before I've even heard anything. I know, it's stupid, but there you go.
Reviews. Nirvana greatest hits gets 9. I may buy it, I may not. Depends if I can afford it.
Manics get 0. Mark Beaumont gets all purist and Daniel Booth style, bless him. Have to agree though, they've certainly let me down. The tracklisting is shocking. Only Faster off The Holy Bible?? Makes me sad.
I noticed the Rough Trade record thing when I was out buying Up The Bracket, and I'll definitely be getting it. NME give it 9.
Single of the Week is Pearl Jam, which is rubbish, cos that song's crap. Primal Scream good, Madonna bad. McAlmont and Butler good, Moby bad.
Liars have long live review/short interview. Solomon Burke is "the king of rock and soul". Death In Vegas are "numbingly familiar". Supergrass "a national treasure".
Thrills has seemingly disappeared again. Just put it out of it's misery.
NMEmail praises The Libertines. Other letters are the same as the seem to print every week.
Next week we've got "The 50 coolest people in music". Oh joy. No way can a man with long greasy hair called Dolf ever be in this list. But supposedly he will be.
A bit of a nothing issue by all accounts. Probably a lull in between The Libertines stuff and New Best Band In The World (Jet, apparently) front cover. What we all want really though is The Strokes to come back and save our souls!
That is all. See you next week!

2002-10-23T18:20:00.000Z

YOUR (REAL) NEW FAVOURITE BAND
I can't speak highly enough of The Libertines' album. It's fantastic. I seriously recommend you go out and buy it when the shops open tomorrow. It's was only a tenner in HMV. Go on, you know you want to.

2002-10-22T14:57:00.000Z

CIGARETTES AND ALCOHOL
Went out again last night. Maybe I should cut down a bit on the booze? Strange night really. It was good at the start, we had a laugh. Then we went to a rubbish party, with boring people. So that wasn't so good. And then everything went quite mental. Still, I'm not gonna talk about that, despite someone who keeps telling me I should! Stop going on! I'm not telling them! So there.

2002-10-20T22:04:00.000Z

I READ THE NEWS TODAY...
I bought The Face, so I'm gonna review it like I did with the NME below.
This month's cover star is Macauly Culkin! Remember him? The lad outta Home Alone? And that film with Ted Danson that was on telly this afternoon? Well anyway, he's dribbling on the front cover, and it says "OH. MY. GOD!". Dunno why really, it's only Macauly Culkin.
Lots of trendy adverts with pretty people, as always...editorial...letters...then it's "Hype", and that kicks off with a little article about Brighton. To tell you the truth, I don't really know any of them apart from 80s Matchbox B-Line Disaster. I saw them live with The Libertines a few months back, they were alright I suppose. Pretty over-rated though. Short articles about musician, designer, band, photographer, actress, then it's a big extended version of the little barometer of cool thing they have. Stupid things that nobody wears, does, or eats are cool, as well as uncool. Oh, and Converse trainers aren't cool anymore. No shit. I'm still wearing mine though, so fuck you trendies! And no way are pagers ever cool ever. No one puts them in the air at gigs. So shut up. Freddie Ljungberg is the new Beckham. Stupid tattoos are cool. Datsuns cool, dressing gowns not (?!?). Some quite cute but evil Japanese cartoons cool, Hello Kitty not. Oh wow I'm cool again. Despite saying a few pages previously that Converse trainers weren't cool anymore, they are now, but only if you wear them with stripey sock. And i do. So there you go. Some supposedly cool people look a bit daft, as do the uncool people. The hippy girl makes me smile though cos too many people I know are like that. Moshers in Nirvana t-shirts are cool, which shows The Face is so far behind it isn't even funny. Avril Lavigne uncool, but she's gorgeous, so who cares? And would you really pay loads for a Dior scarf cos it was pre-tied?? Cool and uncool hand signals.
Then wooly jumpers are cool (but also hideous), and already some girl is showing her breasts. Motorbike helmets are featured, dunno why, lazy journalist has been to Rough Trade and bought all the fanzines then passed them off as something cool, shirts that are wayyyy too expensive are featured, some vibrators look quite painful indeed, hair gunk, bad tea cosy hats, bad wooden jewellry, and some shoe laces that i'd quite like actually.
Pretty girl in black and white pictures. Can't tell what she's wearing really, but I suppose that's not the point. I like the way they've done her eyeliner though.
Macauly Culkin interview. He's in a vest for much of the pictures, and still looks about 13. Haven't read the interview yet. Strange link between Culkin and Bulger case in one of the subheading eye catching things. There is no connection what so ever, so don't be daft Mr Face journo.
Interview with already way way way over exposed Pharrell Williams from N*E*R*D and Neptunes.
Advert, sorry "Face Promotion", for Ford Kas posing as article.
Fashion shoot. Girl flashing her arse, girl lounging in chair pulling her top down, girl almost showing between her legs, girl showing her breasts, girl looking quite covered up in the dark, topless girl sitting on top of another girl, girl showing her breasts in the mirror, girl pulling her pants down, girl with white substance over her chest, girl with bin bag. Apart from the last picture, which seems to be from another photo shoot entirely, did you notice a pattern there? And here's me thinking The Face was run by gay popbitch obsessives.
Turn the page and there's a girl in her underwear with her legs over her head. It's an interview with an actress, and seems to be more suited to FHM than The Face.
Moulin Rouge people doing an opera. Not arsed.
More black and white pictures. Darling, that's sooo 1990s. One girl is showing her boobs in a see through top. Everyone else wearing ripped clothes. Same as in every Face issue.
Now we have some top 50 list. "Free thinkers, mavericks, individuals, creatives... people who make a difference." Some people you may or may not be interested in... 49-Justin Timberlake (with a lovely picture of him all bloody a la Beckham. You still look like a geek, so stop trying to be hard and stuff), 47-Erol from Trash (first proper picture I've seen of him. Bit of a funny looking lad to tell the truth), 46-Jordan (?!?!?!), 45-Karen O from Yeah Yeah Yeahs (ok, you can have that one), 32-Nelly (no, don't understand why he's cool and popular), 28-Conor Oberst (heard good things about him, but can't say I'm too familiar. Will check him out though), 27-Jack White (bless him. Everyone loves Jackie White), 26-Google (strange one, but Google's ace), 23-Winona Ryder (cos she did illegal things), 22-Julian Casablancas (I don't really understand what this list is, so I dunno if he should be higher cos of the obvious effect he's had), 15-Gwen Stefani (don't get it why she's popular), 9-Pink (didn't like her when she first came out, but now she's like a bitch and scares me a bit, I have to admit i kinda like her), 7-Kelly Osbourne (girl of my dreams. Love her to bits), 5-Mike Skinner (confused about The Streets. Sometimes I don't mind the records, sometimes he seems like such a wanker), 4-Craig Nicholls (deserves to be in there. The Vines might be the ones to do it), 3-Pharrell Williams (still don't understand this. He seems to produce the same records with different singers, not too creative), 2-Some guy from some programme i never watched, 1-Matrix people (hmmm. Ok then. Don't understand what the list is, don't understand why they're number one). The Libertines get a mention in the small print of other people, as do b3ta. So that's ok.
Lots of pictures that inspire various random people. Breasts are featured again, unsurprisingly.
Another Face promotion, this time for a digital camera.
Transmission bit. Danny Boyle's new film, new trendy London club (they really should try to look around the country and out of the main cities), moshers in a big wooden box, arty film, computer games, no very interesting singles, no very interesting albums, new pop star, bit about don't attack Iraq march, Q&A with Justin Timberlake, and then that's it. Not a very good issue at all this month. I've read The Face for about 18 months, sometimes I think it's really good, and sometimes it's totally stupid. There is nothing at all I'm interested in this month. And I'm sure they can do a lot better than this, and actually become cutting edge and cool again. I hope they do, cos there's a definite place for The Face in this world.

2002-10-20T19:35:00.000Z

THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THAT BOY...
Today, as many other people will have done, I went on The Observer website and had a read of Kurt Cobain's journal. Why are they doing this? I'm sure Kurt wouldn't be best thrilled that his most private thoughts have been made into a book and serialised in newspapers. Still, I've read them haven't I? (even if I didn't actually buy the paper, and won't be buying the book). So maybe I'm no better than the people seeking publicity and money from it all. I mean, the guy was fucked up, a junkie, and he killed himself. I don't really wanna read about it. But I do. I dunno, it just makes me feel bad. Kurt wrote some great records, Nirvana were a fantastic band. Now lets just leave him be.
And actually, the journals don't seem too interesting anyway. Just looks like the same thing any depressive would write, whether genius rock star or middle class teenager. I know I'd rather think of him as the former, and I don't really want the illusuion to be blown. Kinda reminds me of that Simpsons episode, where Lisa discovers that Jebediah Springfield was a pirate, but doesn't tell the town cos they'd be happier if they didn't know. And I think Kurt's noble spirit embiggens the smallest man.

2002-10-20T14:31:00.000Z

LAZY SUNDAY
God I hate Sundays. Nothing on telly. At all. So I decided to listen to a Small Faces greatest hits thing, cos I'm currently reading "All The Rage", the Ian McLagan (ex-Small Faces/Faces keyboardist) book. Can't stand Rod Stewart or Ronnie Wood though, so i'll skip that bit. I'm in quite a mod-ish mood today. I go through these spells. I'll be ok again soon.
So anyway, I haven't written anything here for a few days. That's cos on Friday I decided to go shopping, and discovered a great little Jarvis style cord jacket in PDSA. I love charity shops. Then I went out on Friday night, and a good time was had by all. Consequently, I thought my head was gonna implode yesterday, and i couldn't be arsed moving, let alone thinking and writing something on here. Some might say i don't bother thinking about what i write here anyway, and they'd probably be quite right. But whatever, I'm back again today! Huzzah!

2002-10-17T16:00:00.000Z

NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA KEANO
Ok. I'm gonna try not to talk lots about football, cos it gets enough exposure i think, but i just gotta talk about Roy Keane. I'm a United fan. Because of this, you might just stop reading now, but whatever. I have to give my point of view cos no one else seems to be defending him. So yes, he fouled Haaland, and yes, it was pre meditated. But to think that he's the only player to ever do that is just totally stupid. Players have always had grudges against others (wasn't it Jack Charlton who had the black book? Oh, but he's a world cup winner, so it's ok). Roy Keane is not the first and won't be the last to seek a bit of vengence. Golden boy Shearer has behaved just as badly throughout his career. I seem to remember him saying something stupid about how United players don't like being kicked. Hate that boring bastard. The lines over which Keane has been charged are tiny, and not very noticable in context with the rest of the book. Players have admitted to wrong doings in their autobiographies before, and have never had such a backlash. So ok, Keane fouled someone, he got sent off, he served his punishment, he talked about it in his book (as i'm sure Haaland would were he important, or intelligent, enough to write a book). To charge him with "bringing the game into disrepute" is madness. Dennis Wise was cleared of the same charge after beating up a team mate and being sacked from his club. Bolton's Toftig was this week jailed for 4 months. Graham Rix was allowed to return to his coaching job at Chelsea after his sentencing for something i don't wanna even mention cos he make me feel ill. These are surely much much worse than kicking someone in a game of football. But obviously not if you play for Manchester United. And you can hate him all you want, but if he was in your team (and you wish he was) you'd be defending him all the same.
ps A good few years ago I went to an after match dinner and autograph signing thing (I'm a season ticket holder, so don't start thinking i'm some day tripping glory hunter). While Gary Pallister and Peter Schemichael moaned and wanted to go as soon as possible, I stood waiting and Roy Keane sat in front of me. He chatted away and was absolutely lovely, signed things, took pictures, and looked after me when some guy was trying to get us to move along and stuff. He really is a nice bloke, not the psycho people try to make him out to be. He's just passionate about things, stands up for what he believes, and he wants to be the best. I think you could learn something from him, couldn't you??

2002-10-17T13:28:00.000Z

YOU LOVE US
Oh wow! Someone actually reads this! Thanks loads and loads and loads to Simon B off NoRock for linking me and stuff. I'm right chuffed now! You've made my day. Thanks matey. And welcome if you're just having a visit. Hope you enjoy your stay.

2002-10-16T22:32:00.000Z

LIKE CRACK FOR YOUR KEYBOARD
This game is totally and utterly addictive. Just play it. It's so simple, yet so fantastic. And miles better than a Playstation 2.

2002-10-16T22:17:00.000Z

DREAMS CAN COME TRUE
I had a dream last night. It was about this blog. For some mad reason, Norman Cook e-mailed me and was really mean. I dunno why. And he said i'd made a spelling mistake somewhere, but while pointing this out he misspelt a word anyway. Then he threatened me at the end, and said i couldn't tell anyone else about it. So instead, i posted it all up here and took the piss out of him. Norm then tried to shut Fall and Rise... down, but he couldn't for some reason. I think I staged a brave resistance! So bring it on Fatboy! C'mon! Let's have it! (For legal reasons, let's not have it. You're dead rich. I'm just a rubbish blog. I mean no harm. So just leave it, alright? I'm not worth it.)

2002-10-16T15:53:00.000Z

I READ THE NEWS TODAY OH BOY...
About a lucky man who didn't quite make the grade, according to the NME. But more about the Ashcroft album later (see what i did there?? Lucky man - Ashcroft? Quite clever, Dontchathink? No? Oh, ok then)
Anyway, in another quite blatent rip off from the quite superb (if anti-Oasis) NoRock, i will now take you through the top pop weekley New Musical Express.
And quite fittingly for this blog, the cover stars are none other than the fantastic Libertines! Looking very, well, looking very much like me actually. Wish i had a bad leather jacket though. Oh well. Onwards!
Page 3, as always, begins the news section, and apparently the most newsworthy item is a big picture of a couple of The Strokes bombing about on go karts, with yet another rubbish pun on their album title ("Whizz This It". Oh dearie dearie me). Now i love The Strokes lots and lots and lots and lots. But sometimes, you just think "?!?". I saw this story on a Strokes site ages ago. It had the same picture. It wasn't very interesting really. Even less interesting now. And, shockingly for the New Strokes Express, they seem to think the kart drivers were Albert and Julian, despite the fact that Mr Casablancas can clearly be seen on the right of the picture. I'd guess the other driver is Fab Moretti. Must try harder NME!
Next page has a boring story about Zane Lowe and Radio 1. I really don't like him, that programme on mtv2 is rubbish. Save Lamacq!
NME still going on about Blur-Coxon stuff, no one cares anymore. Libertines scare off tour manager and soundman, hints of heroin type stuff. Oh dear. Coral doing new album now. More Strokes news, Jules doesn't like the queen (does anybody??). Datsuns return to New Zealand, no one's really bothered, NME goes mad for it anyway. Yeah Yeah Yeahs' singer's clothes get a bit ripped at a gig, for some reason this is news. Robbie "Twat" Williams splits with song writer, justifiable music news, but still a bit slow cos we all knew already. Jet are "THE WORLD'S HOTTEST NEW BAND" apparently, cos they're australian and do garage rock and have long hair and the singer's kinda passable, you know, like every HOTTEST NEW BAND over the last 2 years. Ash have gonks from coldplay in some movie thing. Vines hit back at aussie press. Eminem still doesn't like Moby. Foos play wembley. Sum 41 take the piss out of all "The" bands in video, but not really. Stupid story. And that's yer news!
Karen O from Yeah Yeah Yeahs does the Burn It! album. Motley Crue, Liars, The Cramps, Salt n Pepa. It all makes sense now.
Oh. My. God. Kelly Osbourne. Has a boyfriend. He's hideous. I am heartbroken. I really really really am in love with Kelly Osbourne. And she's holding hands with some dullard with a shit beard and stupid hair and crap long shorts and bad bad shoes. And white socks! Kelly, dump him now. Go out with me instead. I have to turn the page, i can't look at that anymore.
On bands are Kenesis (in NME's words: "seething art punk brilliance". In Liberteen's words: "shit") and Erase Errata. Dunno who they are. Can't be arsed reading it.
Interview with Graham Coxon. I don't like Blur, and Albarn is a tosser, but i always had a soft spot for Graham. He always makes you wanna go "awwww, bless". I feel dead sorry for him now they kicked him out. Poor lad. Stick yer Fatboy Slim up yer arse Albarn!
Story about the Help album from 1995, cos of the new NME - War Child thing. Blur, Oasis, Suede, Stone Roses, Manics, Weller, Radiohead, Portishead, Charlatans, Chemicals, Levellers, Boo Radleys, Neneh Cherry, KLF. Give or take a few, it's all a bit more impressive than this year's get together. See the thing i wrote below a couple of days ago for more. There's a picture of the Help NME cover, featuring Noel, Ian Brown, and, erm, the Boo Radleys. Remember when they were quite popular? Shame, i liked 'em. Also on the cover: "The Verve split" (for the first time) and Julian Cope, Metallica, Smaller, Wagon Christ, Leonard Cohen, Stereolab, Kristin Hersh and Lenny Kravitz all get a mention. Picture of the once great Weller with tosser McCartney too.
Next page has people talking about their fave "1 Love" songs. Ronan Keating likes the Stereophonics. Dear god, never let these two be mentioned this closely ever again. Good mocked up picture of Badly Drawn Boy and Jools Holland as Dexy's Midnight Runners. Made me laugh.
And now it's the lovely lovely Libertines! Except they might not be that lovely lovely. But they make great records and look pretty cool. Pete looks slightly the worse for wear though, and there's an absolutely awful picture of him on page 36. Carl seems to have become the sex symbol of the band now. Come on Pete, keep up! He's a bit tubby actually for all the skinny leather jackets and t-shirts. There's the faded jeans with holes in too. All looks very Libertines-by-numbers, which i shouldn't complain about, what with me being a complete rip off of that.
"COKE-SNIFFING TRUTH STRETCHING FAME HUNGRY CHANCERS" shouts the headline, all NME style. Apparently one of them has had lots of booze and coke pre-interview, which of course pisses the sober one off. "He was born in a kitchen sink in Basingstoke, the poor cunt, to a family of gypsies" Pete tells us of Carl, all which seems to, understandably, piss off his fellow singer/guitarist. They continue to tell daft stories throughout the interview, but it's all quite entertaining. I did prefer the article earlier this year when they were on the cover with the union jack though. This just seems to be a rehashed version, but then their album's out on Monday so i suppose they're bound to do a bit of promotion.
Speaking of The Libertine's album...ta da!!! Here's the review. Wait, reviews already?? Only two interviews and a bit of shameless self promotion for 1 Love (like the NME hasn't done enough of that already) and that's it. Ack well. On to the reviews!
The Libertines - Up The Bracket. How shit is that album title? It gets 8/10 from Mr Needham. I'll be buying it. So should you.
Richard Ashcroft gets the review to be expected really (6/10). I loved The Verve, and i did like his first solo album, but i won't be getting "Human Conditions". He's capable of better than this, so come on Richard. Let's have it! Feeder's "Comfort In Sound" is 7/10. It was sad about the drummer, but i just can't muster up any interest. Still, they're not doing any harm i suppose. Oh, and has anyone noticed how deeply uncool all the NME journos are? They need them posh women off BBC 2 to give them all an indie/rock/Strokes type makeover.
Single of the Week is Brendan Benson. Dunno this song, but his last one was sweet, so i'll take the NME's word for it. Not arsed about the other singles.
Interpol get the short interview/long live review treatment. Undecided about these. I've only heard one song, and it sounded quite good, but there's always that guilt about liking a band who are kinda trendy and fashionable. No more interesting reviews.
Lots and lots and lots of gig adverts now. Wanna go see Morrisey at Blackburn, but i don't know anyone else who likes him or The Smiths, so i'll probably miss out. Well I can't go on my own, can i?!? Don't wanna see any other bands listed. Seen them all, or they're not very good.
What is going on with Thrills?? It was at the front, then it disappeared, now it's returned at the back! Not read it yet, but it probably isn't funny. And please call NMEmail "Angst" again. It was better then. Bizarrely, Craig from The Vines gets attacked for liking McDonalds. I'm far from a big capitalist pig dog, but i don't mind a Mikey D's if i'm dead hungry. I mean, by the same token you might as well attack Fab from The Strokes for owning and blatently wearing Coca Cola t-shirts!
And that's about all really. Next week doesn't look too promising, supposedly Queens of the Stone Age are gonna be on the cover. Not bad tunes mind.
Hope i didn't bore you to death just then. Remember, this is my first one. I quite enjoyed writing all this really, i've never gone through the NME this finely and deeply before. I hope i don't sound like i hate this paper. I love the NME to bits! I've been reading about 5 or 6 years, and it's introduced me to loads of great stuff. I *heart* you NME! Keep on keepin on. We can't afford to let you go the same way as Melody Maker (RIP). Anyway, if i can be bothered, i'll write something like this again next week. YAY!

2002-10-15T16:32:00.000Z

CAUGHT BY THE FUZZ
Earlier this year, me and some of my friends went to the Leeds Festival. you may or may not know about the carnage on the final night. cut a long story short, lots of portaloos and a cabin thing got totally burnt down. i went to have a piss near the burning toilets shortly before they disappered. i proceeded to walk back towards my tent, slightly drunk, and suddenly noticed a big huge helicopter shining a big huge light on me. i then looked to my left and saw a row of about 30 police in full riot gear, batons, shields, helmets and everything, stood 20 feet away.
they charged.
i have never been so scared in my entire life. myself and everybody around, who had mostly been stood watching the carnage and not participating, about turned and ran as quickly as they could. i swear, we were a few yards from getting battered.
one of these men looks shockingly like my fast running friend. it isn't him. but for a second, just a second, i thought he was fucked.

2002-10-15T16:09:00.000Z

ONE FLEW EAST ONE FLEW WEST...
Today i finished reading One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest. it was good, you should read it. i'm a bit sad that i've finished it now though. hmmm, i wonder what i should read next. any suggestions? i'm reading loads of Edgar Allan Poe stuff at the moment. i quite liked The Tell-Tale Heart, it kinda makes your heart beat faster like the heart under the floorboards. you should read that too if you haven't already. still, it all sounds a bit daft, what with it being really old and stuff. i think i might read Catcher In The Rye again. cos i'm such a (Liber)teenage stereotype. yes, i like Sylvia Plath too. leave me alone. you don't understand me. i'm gonna have a sulk. *humph*

2002-10-14T16:25:00.000Z

you may have realised i just figured out how to do links! huzzah! so in celebration of this, click on scaryduck. then read. then laugh. lots. woo hoo!

2002-10-14T16:20:00.000Z

STROKES ALERT

I love the strokes. so should you. look at the pictures on thestrokes.com and fall in love. but not with nick. he's too good for you! uh huh! yes he is!

2002-10-14T16:07:00.000Z

WHOLE LOTTA OLD PEOPLE

Please god don't let this be true. it'll just send them on the stairway to heaven a bit sooner. that was a bad joke, wasn't it? i mean really bad. i sincerely apologise. that was so obvious. i'll go stand in the corner now. sorry.

2002-10-14T15:57:00.000Z

ONE LOVE WE DON'T NEED ANOTHER ONE

So what's this NME - War Child album all about? loads of bands do their fave number ones. it's all very dull really. the NME gives it 10 outta 10 with a straight face. there's oasis doing a slade cover. which they've already done. except this time it's that christmas one. which makes no sense, what with santa's visit being 2 months away. and why is darius on it?? and faithless and dido? and i thought the NME and stereo-zzzzzzzz. sorry. just mentioning their name makes me drop off. but i thought those boring little welsh dullards hated the NME. and really, couldn't they have spared the small faces from a massacre at the hands of starsailor? i used to quite like starsailor, but now i think they are dull dull dull. anyway, i'm sure it's all for a good cause. but wouldn't you rather give 15 quid to war child instead? then you wouldn't have to inflict this garbage on yourself. and i'd rather eat my own legs then listen to another second of muse.

2002-10-14T14:49:00.000Z

I think i'll have a go at talking about some news, kinda like they do so well on No Rock&Roll Fun but i'll try to talk about non-musical related happenings around the world as well. i'm not making any promises that it'll be good though, ya hear!!!

2002-10-13T21:25:00.000Z

HELLO HELLO IT'S GOOD TO BE, UMMM, JUST STARTING ACTUALLY

Hello there! and welcome. welcome to what i do not know. i have no idea what i'm gonna put on this thing. i might get people to help, i dunno. i'll probably need it. anyway, i'm bored and waiting for clockwork orange to come on telly. oh, they're advertising it now! i love that music! hurry up and be on clockwork orange!!! what was i saying? oh yeah, so i thought i'd set out my manifesto for this little shindig on t'interweb. but like i said, it's just gonna be random thoughts and observations, blahdy blahdy blah. ya know, same as pretty much every blog in the world ever. but mine's better. cos i won't be all "oh poor me. i hate my life. boo hoo". well, actually it'll all end up like that anyway probably. but whatever. i just wanna write stuff! so i think i'll introduce myself by telling you my favouritest records in the whole entire world at the moment, and i therefore highly recommend you seek and destroy them! well, except don't destroy. just seek. and listen! god, i don't half ramble.
the libertines - up the bracket. i love this band to bits! i'm not the same liberteen as on mtv2europe though. oh no siree. not me!
polyphonic spree - hangin' around. i wasn't sure about these lot at first, but now i think they're great! woo hoo!
joy division - digital. and atmosphere. and transmission. and love will tear us apart. and every song they ever did. we miss you ian!
the strokes - every song by them too. i love the strokes sooooo much. i am such a strokes rip off boy. i think you should know that.
britney - i love rock n roll. yes. britney. in a non ironic way. this song's great. i have a t shirt with this written on. it's super cool.
oasis - definitely maybe. really got into this album again recently. i love 'em. liam, you're a star.
blondie - hanging on the telephone. put this on before you go get drunk. oh yes!
velvet underground - loaded. this album's ace. buy it. now. i said now!!!
brmc - spread your love. that bass line makes me think i'm gonna explode in a big fiery mess of blackness and grease and leather and mary chain records and big hair. and other shouty slogans ripped out of the NME.
the new manics song is rubbish by the way. but nicky's still ace.
ohhhh!!! clockwork orange is starting!! yay! well done if you read all the way through this. i hope to meet you again sometime soon. please don't hate me cos i'm beautiful. or good looking. or not too bad. or, ya know, half decent in a certain light. after a few pints. if you're wearing dark glasses. and looking the other way. when i'm not even there. rambling again. right, i'm off. i love you all! talk to you again soon!
bye bye!
xxx